Hello sadandbroken,
It's sad to let down those walls against intimacy based upon past trauma only to be hurt again...
Many of us struggle also to reconcile the person they project to others with the person they can reveal to us as we get closer. Intimacy is a huge trigger for people with BPD. They can feel unlovable (he pretty much said that at the end), yet try so hard to chase love, and all f the gestures were probably sincere
at the time.
You're also torn between keeping your boy happy, yet seeing the person who hurt you. It was well over a year before I could even stand to be in my Ex's prescence after she left. She was happy and had moved on, but I was stuck. We need time to grieve, and seeing the person who discarded us can be like rubbing salt into a wound.
To start, have you seen this article? Maybe it can help you make sense of this.
Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality DisorderSenior members here have been where you are. In the beginning, it may seem even hopeless, but survivors will support you. I'm two years out, and I'm still on the journey. We're here to support you sadandbroken.
Turkish