Is it really a disorder or just pure manipulation

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am trying to understand my sis who I think is an uBPD although she reports being diagnosed as bipolar... My other siblings just thinks she is a evil/manipulating b___. It is hard for them to see it as a mental illness. Sometimes I think so too! Especially when she seems to always get her way and seems to be totally taken care of by her husband. She rarely goes outside the house, he does all the housecleaning/cooking,etc. She has been all probably every medication possible and nothing seems to get her out of her funk. They think I am making up excuses for her. I think I recognize the same symptoms (although there are difference) of my mother who I also think was BPD. I am just being scam by a person who wants to be treated like a queen and acts like a 2 yr old.  Also do you ever feel insulted by some of the materials explanations. (I know this is my own issue in a way). When people or my sis tries to explains that she feels soo deeply I feel like--what I am a superficial idiot--only BPD people "feel deeply"! I know this is stupid but I do feel like she is saying she is a better level of human that she is soo senitive and I am just an oaf. Oh well. Just sounding off I guess.

[Confused#2]

I am trying to understand my sis who I think is an uBPD although she reports being diagnosed as bipolar... My other siblings just thinks she is a evil/manipulating b___. It is hard for them to see it as a mental illness. Sometimes I think so too! Especially when she seems to always get her way and seems to be totally taken care of by her husband. She rarely goes outside the house, he does all the housecleaning/cooking,etc. She has been all probably every medication possible and nothing seems to get her out of her funk. They think I am making up excuses for her. I think I recognize the same symptoms (although there are difference) of my mother who I also think was BPD. I am just being scam by a person who wants to be treated like a queen and acts like a 2 yr old.  Also do you ever feel insulted by some of the materials explanations. (I know this is my own issue in a way). When people or my sis tries to explains that she feels soo deeply I feel like--what I am a superficial idiot--only BPD people "feel deeply"! I know this is stupid but I do feel like she is saying she is a better level of human that she is soo senitive and I am just an oaf. Oh well. Just sounding off I guess.

[purekalm]

Hey Confused#2,

While I can't speak on much because I'm new here, I totally agree about the explanations. I personally think it's being explained wrong. In my experience they can't feel any deeper than us and are actually more superficial. I would explain it as hypersensitive, because that's exactly how they act. Extremely sensitive to all perceived threats.  That's my opinion anyways. 

[Confused#2]

THanks Purekaim for your reply. I guess "hypersensitive" is not the same thing as being better. I (when I am not feeling too sensitive) tried to think of it as she feels the same feelings but are stuck in them and can not process them like other people. ?Is that coming close to the mark? I did find one of the books in the recommended list in my local bookstore so maybe some of this will be easier to understand.

[purekalm]

Hey Confused#2,

Yeah, you probably hit it closer to the mark. What I've learned is that there is no logic, just feelings. So their logic is tied to their feelings and that is totally subjective to the moment. So, you could be on top of the world with them if you said/did something positive and then under their feet the next hour(or sooner) if you did something opposite.

It's frustrating because it feels as though they are just being dramatic and are getting away with whatever they want. It's hard to comprehend that not everything is controlled by the disorder, but then the questions are what is and what isn't? It's best to distance yourself as much as possible, mainly mentally, so you can process it and sort it out.

I have an uBPD dad, sister and soon to be ex husband in my life, so there's no end to the crazy for me right now.   My sister acts extremely entitled and uses her children to get us (family) to do things for her because she got with a lazy, abusive boyfriend who controls her, so she controls us, since he does everything else. I'm watching my sister relive my mom's life, and it's crazy how similar they are, although my mom isn't BPD, she has other issues... .

So, even if I don't have the answers I know you need and want I can definitely sympathize with how disordered and completely unfair it all is.   to you as you start on this journey. Make sure you take care of yourself and realize no matter how much you want to, you can't change them, but you can change how you interact with them.