NC for 1 month but want her back

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

NC x 1 month and I am Miserable. I think of her all the time, and Im sick in the stomach all the time. That girl was very abusive, the relationship was dysfunctional as she is classic BPD. I know it's wrong, I know I should stay away, I think she is dating others, I know I need to stay strong and keep busy. I am trying new hobbies and working out etc... .but I am sick... .I wake up sick... .I can't sleep and I just want to hold her. That sounds weak I know... .I should create my own happiness, and not derive it from her. But we had such a connection that when we were good I was so happy but when we faught I felt like I want to be miles away from her. Taking it day by day is rough... .I keep thinking about her with others... .I wish I can text her and tell her how much I miss her. But I won't because I know it's wrong in the long run. I am so confused. I don't think I am addicted because it has been a month and my physical addiction to her is not the case... .

[Freeatlast_1]

NC x 1 month and I am Miserable. I think of her all the time, and Im sick in the stomach all the time. That girl was very abusive, the relationship was dysfunctional as she is classic BPD. I know it's wrong, I know I should stay away, I think she is dating others, I know I need to stay strong and keep busy. I am trying new hobbies and working out etc... .but I am sick... .I wake up sick... .I can't sleep and I just want to hold her. That sounds weak I know... .I should create my own happiness, and not derive it from her. But we had such a connection that when we were good I was so happy but when we faught I felt like I want to be miles away from her. Taking it day by day is rough... .I keep thinking about her with others... .I wish I can text her and tell her how much I miss her. But I won't because I know it's wrong in the long run. I am so confused. I don't think I am addicted because it has been a month and my physical addiction to her is not the case... .

[whitebackatcha]

But I won't because I know it's wrong in the long run. I am so confused.

You seem to have answered your own question.

It gets easier. It's been three months for me. I would still take her back, although no longer at the expense of my self respect. Counseling and DBT have helped me a lot. I also told myself that the healthier I was, the better chance I would have of being able to not crumble when she painted me black if I had a relationship with her again.  I'm doing so much better than I was. It's incredibly difficult though. It was at seven weeks that it really hit me that it might truly be over.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Freeatlast,

Can I suggest that before you make a decision as to whether to see if your ex girlfriend will come back to you or not (she may not), you take time to ask yourself who in your family of origin your ex girlfriend reminds you of?

The more I have reflected upon this question and looked at why I was attracted to my BPDxbf and how my relationship with him allowed me to relive my past and try to conquer it successfully this time, the more I have realised that my attraction to him was not all it seemed. It wasn't really about him at all. I'm now 8 weeks out of our final breakup, 4 weeks no contact and I am feeling RELIEVED that I'm no longer with him. I no longer have to feel sick and anxious all the time. I no longer have to think about the effect of every little thing I say and do before I do it. And I no longer have to face his refusing to see me or threatening to leave me just because he wasn't getting his own way. Okay, I don't get the sex and the affection, but I don't even care about those things anymore. I am just glad to be rid of him. However, we broke up 7 times before I learnt my lesson well enough to let go - the lesson being that there was nothing that I could do to bring the man I had fallen in love back, because he had gone forever indeed, he probably never actually existed, he was a figment of my own need and projection.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

Lifewriter

[C.Stein]

It gets easier. It's been three months for me. I would still take her back, although no longer at the expense of my self respect. Counseling and DBT have helped me a lot. I also told myself that the healthier I was, the better chance I would have of being able to not crumble when she painted me black if I had a relationship with her again.  I'm doing so much better than I was. It's incredibly difficult though. It was at seven weeks that it really hit me that it might truly be over.

I'm also around 3 months.  It took a good 6 weeks for the realization and pain to kick in.  Before that I was feeling nothing, just emotionally dead and numb, pretty much like I had been feeling for the entire year.  Then out of nowhere I started feeling again, and it wasn't a feeling of relief like it should have been, it was a crushing pain of loss and grief and an almost overwhelming desire to try and get her back.