Nightmares

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi,

NC for +2 weeks. My Healing process is not linear but If feel OK. Last night I had nightmare during the all night (and it's not the 1st time). I'm soo tired this morning, I feel depressed too and I overthink (About all the damage she did, lies, manipulation, her rebound r/s... .and so much more) So, do you guys use to dream about what you're going trough?

[tribalmart]

Hi,

NC for +2 weeks. My Healing process is not linear but If feel OK. Last night I had nightmare during the all night (and it's not the 1st time). I'm soo tired this morning, I feel depressed too and I overthink (About all the damage she did, lies, manipulation, her rebound r/s... .and so much more) So, do you guys use to dream about what you're going trough?

[Skip]

I think a lot of nightmares are unfinished emotional business of the day (week). It also happens when we try to avoid feeling pain - we suppress it, and now our brain is processing it subconsciously.

It helps to to try an resolve feelings each day. It's a process of balancing our emotional an logical thoughts - or at least advancing them.

Anyone else have thoughts on why we struggle at night?

[Mutt]

Anyone else have thoughts on why we struggle at night?

Depression can cause sleep problems.

[Lucky Jim]

Hi tribalmart, It's been two week for you, two years for me post-divorce, and still my BPDxW occasionally stalks my dreams.  Agree w/Skip that acknowledging and processing one's feelings helps one to maintain equilibrium, because the feelings don't go away on their own, even if suppressed.  Plus, I view my feelings as part of me, which deserve acceptance.  Sometimes I practice meditation as a way to observe my feelings, without the need to do anything.

LuckyJim

[tribalmart]

I know 2 weeks is very short for all the damage to repair... .the very beginning of the Healing process! I look in control but inside of me there's rage, frustration and anger. I sleep well because I'm under daily medication for headaches issue (preventive drug called Amytriptiline 10 mg/day wich is a tiny dose) and one of the side effect is drowziness. With what I'm going trough this side effect is positive.

Meditation could help... .I'm gonna try it! Sometimes I'm afraid to explod... .I mean to fall, to dance with depression you know... .My main reason to stay very strong is my beautiful daughter, she's my treasure, she's soo precious to me!

[thisagain]

Everything is so raw and painful after just two weeks. You deserve a prize just for basic functioning and caring for your daughter! I'd recommend just letting yourself feel the feelings. Let the thoughts and feelings flow through you, and remember you won't feel this bad forever. Trying to fight it just makes it worse, like if someone tells you not to think about a pink elephant

Nightmares or increasingly vivid dreams can be a side effect of that type of medication, so if it turns into a long-term problem, maybe consider talking to your doctor about it?

I've had awful nightmares about my ex lately (one month after breakup, but with various efforts to recycle or maintain some connection, and she just blocked my phone and FB over the past couple days). I'm always a vivid dreamer and have very realistic dreams every night, usually about situations similar to my daily life. But these really violent and disturbing nightmares started once I moved into my new apartment away from her. Based on that and the content, I think it's a post-traumatic type response. Hoping that therapy and time will help.

For insomnia and overthinking at night, I've just been falling asleep with the TV or music on. Some of the tips in the workshop on ruminating could help? https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0

[tribalmart]

I know that type of medication I use daily for my headache issues has an effect on dreams. Last night, the nightmare was soo realistic! When I woke up I felt very bad, very sad :S

During the day, I overthink... .my brain never stop! Can't stop thinking and asking myself many questions related to what Im going trough... .extreme rumination! If I was able to give myself a break I would feel better... .at least for a few hours  I think that dreams (in that case nightmare) are just a summary of what I'm living awake. I don't know how I am able to be functional with my missing mind?

[andintothefire]

Had many nightmares when it first was starting to fall apart. After 1 month NC they went away gradually. Reached out one last time more recently which wasn't much help. Had a nightmare following. Definitely going back to NC for good. It's your brain trying to piece together images and messages you received that continue to not add up for the life of you. Your brain just can't process all the volatility during waking hours for fear of information overload so I think the dreams are a way to help let go of the waste... .

[tribalmart]

I like the idea that dreams are to treat and filter the information overload... .it make sense, I overthink so my brain is not able to deal with so many emotions and informations, it's just too much!

[eeks]

I think a lot of nightmares are unfinished emotional business of the day (week). It also happens when we try to avoid feeling pain - we suppress it, and now our brain is processing it subconsciously.

It helps to to try an resolve feelings each day. It's a process of balancing our emotional an logical thoughts - or at least advancing them.

Anyone else have thoughts on why we struggle at night?

My experience over the last couple of years has been that nightmares are correlated with times when I have important but difficult psychological insights.  For example, when I first read the material on this site about "narcissistic family systems" and realized some of the attributes of covert narcissistic dynamics applied to my family, I dreamt that I was waiting to watch a TV show that started on the hour, turned it on early and inadvertently saw another program with the most sadistic, emotionless murder I can imagine (that's not saying much because I'm not a horror film fan, but still)

I would speculate that this might be because these insights in my waking life threaten my previous survival/safety beliefs and strategies, and so I have dreams that are gory or have sadistic characters or "terrorists" in them because I'm scared of a "death" of sorts, processing the abandonment fears from leaving my family's way of thinking and behaving.

I think it's worth considering that although losing sleep is a nuisance, scary dreams aren't necessarily a sign of something negative, it could also be a sign that you're ready to work with some deeply rooted emotional stuff.

I actually found dreams helpful in my detachment from my uBPD ex... .they weren't scary dreams, but he would show up in the dream and be unreliable in one way or another.