Hi Mel,
My suggestion is that you don't
look for core wounds because they will find you when you are ready to deal with them. Simply start by writing about the things that have happened to you as an adult that you know about, like your mother dying. They are significant wounds. As you write, be mindful of the feelings that come up. When you find you start to feel something, find a way of expressing that emotion actively with your body. It's trial and error but I have tried the following:
- If I am frightened or feeling little, I wrap myself in a blanket, hug a pillow or my teddy bear, drink hot milk from a baby's bottle (Yes really, it was so soothing).
- If I am angry, I punch pillows, crush cans with my feet, do an anger dance to music.
- If I am sad, I allow myself to cry or talk to a friend.
- If I find that there is something I really want to say to someone, I might talk to a photograph of that person (and allow them to talk back to me too) or write a letter that I will never post. I try to express my emotions as fully as I can.
My experience of therapy is that I have worked backwards. The core wounds are the most threatening and the ones that we most likely to deny or repress so it takes time to get to them. Be patient with yourself as you explore your past. Just deal with whatever feeling you are presented with at the time. The rest will come up when you are good and ready.
I'd also suggest that you start reading books that might be relevant and read them very mindfully. When you read something that you relate to, write about or post about it here. I am currently reading Dan Neuharth's book called
If you had Controlling Parents. He looks at reasons why we might be reluctant to directly address core issues. It's a useful read, I think.
Good luck with it. And be very kind to yourself. Grief can be overwhelming. Keep posting.
Love Lifewriter
