Having panic attacks. "Maybe you should go to a group home."

[misuniadziubek]

I've been having horrible panic attacks all day today. I can barely get through 10 minutes without my heart exploding and feeling like I want to throw up.

Really terrible, even for my normal anxiety.

I shared this with my pwBPD. That I had to reschedule a job interview because I was having such issues with breathing and calming down.

Partner: well dont keep making your situation worse

that's a good plan, turn down an attempt at a job

that should help

Me: [name] I couldn't f***g breathe. I felt like my chest was gonna explode. So no I couldn't go.

Partner: Then go to a hospital. Likely mental.Or at the least a group home

if you have this many mental issues you can't even function in the real world, you should get help.

I'm sorry I have no sympathy anymore.

But I don't.

You've failed time and time again

I know it's hard, and whine whine whatever, but there comes a time you need to stop burdening the world and yourself with your failures

clearly if nothing has worked so far, you need to do something to change something.

So yes, I think maybe you do need to go seek help if you can't even function at the minimal like a halfassedly functional adult.

I don't 'abandon you every time something happens'

this isn't SOMETHING

This is a HUGE thing on top of all of the other things.

Don't try to play victim, like I'm not there for you. I was there for you the whole time.

Now you're trying to sink me with you, and you've done a pretty successful job there.

You kinda need to get your ___ together. The world doesn't have time to give you unlimited sympathy.

I know it's hard and you're upset and all of that but the point is, do something about it.

I'm sorry you didn't have the capacity to understand what failure was, nor the foresight to see what failure would do. I'm sorry you thought only of "I want to procrastinate, so I will", instead of everyone else it would affect, and even how it would affect you.

Maybe some professional help would help you get over yourself.

Even despite, I still love you.

Which is why this makes me so mad. Because I wish there were some way to help you.

But honestly, you're beyond my help.

I'm not in a great mental state to handle anything, I'll admit. My parents are being even less supportive, if that says anything. My mom told me I'm always trying to escape my problems with 'crisis' issues. (I haven't had a panic attack this bad in probably 2 years now) and to call 911 or something if it's -that- bad.  I ended up calling up a crisis hotline and that helped a bit and got some numbers for some social programs or whatnot.

Just really sucks because,  at a time like this, I feel pretty abandoned.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ashamedandangry]

misuniadziubek:

I am soo sorry that you are having to go through this.  My heart ached for you just reading his response to you.  I felt as if I were going through this along with you.  I never had panic attacks until my EXmaleBPD left me a month ago.  Such a scary feeling.  I had begun working somewhere new, and then a week later because of how the management of the company treated their employees including myself I quit.  To deal with my own loss with my ExBPD was hell but to start working somewhere new where their employees were treated with such disrespect, I bailed out and I feel like a failure for doing so.  I wish there was something that I can say to make you feel better because that is what I do, always wanting to help out.  Just know that a lot of us on this site are here to vent to.  I am here for you if you need someone to listen.  Have a blessed day, and know although you may feel sad and alone, your are not alone.  

[waverider]

Do you have a history of panic disorder and has it ever been treated in anyway, or is this just a recent issue?

Panic attacks are horrible as far as I have seen, Panic Disorder is one of my wifes major issues. If it is ongoing it is very difficult for those around as it is like watching someone drown while your own life board is already full to take them on board. There is a limit what others can do, for a pwBPD they would either end up, turning their back on you or getting dragged into it and ultimately making it worse.

A pwBPD is not well suited to give the solid, centered an balanced level of support you need.

Do you have an action plan when it is coming on? Maybe you could work out something between you, like simply just holding you, keep it simple. Expecting your partner to know what to do and say in a crisis is going to increase your problems.

[Daniell85]

I have had a horrible time with a panic disorder. I struggled with it a long time, then finally went to a doc for meds and a therapist.

my boyfriend, who has been the main cause for a couple of years, has completley lacked empathy. I have been bullied and threatened while having panic attacks, called names.

It made the problem exponentially worse.

While you deserve kindness and support, you arent getting it from your guy. You guys already had big conflict, so its really safer for you emotionally to find support elsewhere.

Have you seen a doctor? Those attacks sound pretty serious.

[misuniadziubek]

I have had a horrible time with a panic disorder. I struggled with it a long time, then finally went to a doc for meds and a therapist.

my boyfriend, who has been the main cause for a couple of years, has completley lacked empathy. I have been bullied and threatened while having panic attacks, called names.

It made the problem exponentially worse.

While you deserve kindness and support, you arent getting it from your guy. You guys already had big conflict, so its really safer for you emotionally to find support elsewhere.

Have you seen a doctor? Those attacks sound pretty serious.

I've only had severe panic attacks like this once or twice a year in the past three years. Didn't have any like this in a year and a half since I started dating my boyfriend until February of this year. Lack of any emotional support within the moment definitely exacerbates the symptoms and considering my mom comes from a family of NPD-laden people and was the first person I talked to today, things got pretty bad. She sarcastically told me herself to call 911 if it's 'that serious' and that it's always health related when I'm 'running away from things.

I've seen a psychiatrist for generalized anxiety disorder and he recommended me a 3-month outpatient treatment, no medication, which I finished in March.

I ended up calling a distress hotline and managed to slow my breathing down enough to speak. 30 minutes of talking helped and he referred me to some social services I could take advantage of, but I have to wait until Monday to call them.

If it was within the moment and my boyfriend was physically present, then he'd be more likely to physically hug me and help me calm down. We've been there before, but because it was through messaging, and considering the events of the last week, he himself is too overwhelmed to really help in any way.

It's just sad, honestly, to see him express such a bleak outlook and be so condescending.

After this week, I definitely need to have some safety nets in place in terms of social support because in the worst moments my family is terrible and well, obviously, I can't really turn to my pwBPD, especially when the situation directly has affected him.

[Daniell85]

I am so sorry about your mom saying that to you.   Really encourage you to get that support base going. You absolutely deserve to have support.

[SurfNTurf]

Hi Misuni,

That was a very ugly way for your boyfriend to talk to you. Since he is a boyfriend and not a spouse, what is keeping you in the same household as he? I understand how panic/anxiety issues can take hold of a person from time to time, it is very frightening for you. Are you more afraid to be without him and such ugliness?

[misuniadziubek]

Hi Misuni,

That was a very ugly way for your boyfriend to talk to you. Since he is a boyfriend and not a spouse, what is keeping you in the same household as he? I understand how panic/anxiety issues can take hold of a person from time to time, it is very frightening for you. Are you more afraid to be without him and such ugliness?

Definitely not afraid to be without him. In fact, we spent about 30 days with no contact back in June.

We decided to reunite since then and the relationship has been very stable since then and generally a lot more balanced and satisfying, which is the primary reason why I've stayed.

The issue in this situation, as well as the one from Monday, where he also severely dysregulated is that he is more emotionally stable, supportive and calm when I am doing well mentally myself. It's pretty self-explanatory why, considering he, having BPD, craves to have a stable person in his life. In those instances, we are on the same page, more often than not and any potential rages on his part are cut off pretty quickly because I work hard on maintaining boundaries and being validating.

I achieved a healthier relationship towards him and became stronger mentally through that break. The relationship went from an addiction/codependence to a choice on my part.

The issue is that the events of the past week have derailed me emotionally and they have set him back in terms of how he sees me. At the beginning of the week, he had full trust in me and my ability to function. After what happened, that trust has wavered and he now is fearful that I have retreated back to the beginning of the relationship when I had far more intense issues with emotions/anxiety/ clearminded-ness.

It's funny because until today I hadn't truly realised just how much of a stable base I'd become for him. He hasn't threatened the end of our relationship in months and talks regularly about how comforting it is for him to have someone who has truly stood by him through everything and doesn't have mood swings. XD