Divorce is through. Got the notification in the mail today

[focus]

First I was a bit relived. But a little bit of sadness there as well.

There are mixed emotions.

I am a little numb I guess.

I thought we were going to grow old togeather.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi focus,

Getting the letter in the mail is an emotional things regardless of the circumstances that led to the divorce. Take extra special care of yourself and let yourself cry when you are ready. You married with intentions of a lifetime of happiness together. That possibility has gone now. It's to be expected that you'll have mixed feelings.

Love Lifewriter

[Mutt]

Hi focus,

Congrats! I can see how that would be bitter sweet. I shared similar thoughts with marriage and I thought that I was going to grow old with my ex too. I didn't get married to get divorced. I am happy though that it's a closed chapter and I feel freedom because I don't have any obligations with my ex wife other than our kids. I think that my ex wife and I didn't share the same values and I'll find someone someday that share similar values.

[cloudten]

What you feel about being numb, mixed emotion, and grieving over not growing old together (grieving lost dreams)... .is completely normal... .regardless of mental illness involved.  Divorce is hard regardless of BPD or any other condition.

I remember getting the papers from divorcing my non-BPD exhusband... .and I felt exactly the same. you will have days where you will revisit those feelings, especially holidays.

Thank god i didn't make the mistake of marrying my BPDx. .

Just beware of your rebound relationship. Take time to be good and solid and independent. The rebound relationship has been a doozey for each and every one of my friends and myself. It can sometimes be worse than the marriage (believe it or not). 

Have you thought about getting into a divorce support group that focuses more on you- and not the mental illness, etc.?

[focus]

Thank you all for responding.

Yeah, I married my ex wife with intension of spending my life with her.

Underneath the disorder lies a good hearted person. That is the person I miss.

She wasn't perfect, non of us are, but I decided to marry her with her good qualities and bad.

I think she was as stable as she has ever been when we were together. Her "episodes" weren't that many, and reading some of the stories here made me often question if she may have this disorder.

Then I just need to remind myself of the convetsation I had with her children's father. She was no way near being stable with him. All her other relationships were shortlived, where she would simply vanish.

This has made me wonder why we were together for so long. What was different in our relationship? She wasn't "stuck" and she was very happy by most parts.

Huge trigger, her relapsing and started doing drugs again. Me not being happy about it and my replacement is her enabler and drug using buddy is the main reason this happened I think.

She didn't dump me, I found them in bed together.

[OutOfEgypt]

Hey my friend, sorry for your loss but I'm happy for the new life ahead of you.  I remember crying when I was first notified that it was over.  But then I felt relief.  The biggest mistake I made after was letting her back in after the divorce (we tried to get back together one more time because she promised to go to counseling), but leaving that relationship was the best thing I ever did.  You won't feel this way forever.

[Forestaken]

Me: 24 years in - 18 months out

My only regrets: not doing it sooner - getting involve with her.

My T told me >>before<< you jump into a new r/s - take a solo trip - I did (Hawaii in Feb 2015).  Best advice