My gf has BPD, and I am tramutized

[Emilyfields]

Hi guys, this is my first post here so let me explain my situation for a bit. Me and my gf has been together for more than 2 years now, and she is recently diagnosed with BPD. However herself kinda not knowing the diagnosis in a very clear way - just that she trust me enough to give the consent to me and ask the psychologist to tell me about her diagnosis as she also knows she cannot handle it. She has the dissociation episode so often that she cannot stand and go to see the clinical psychologist, with me accompanied her.

I dun think I need to explain the roller coaster life here. I was slapped on the street, keep calling me and say break up and when I dropped the call and she ask me to come over ... .Anyways my mental health is not strong enough and I was diagnosed with trauma now. Sometimes even I know she is just rubbish and will be normal in 1 hr, for that one hour I am really nervous. Is there any tips for u guys such that I can effectively ignore what she said until she forgot everything and become normal again?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Leena]

Hi emilyfields,

I am relatively new here to. My advice keep reading, read the boards, the lessons. I do not have a magic formula yet but I can tell you that in two weeks it has made me feel better to know that I am not alone.

I know the feeling of waiting for them to become 'normal again' this with my hubby can take anywhere from 30 mins to 3 days. It is awful and your stomach is tied up in knots the whole time.

I think what I beginning to learn here are ways to minimise the occurrences but I think it is going to take some time to get right. In two weeks I have had about 8 minor and 1 major flare from him. The major lasted 24 hrs and still there are aftershocks when you think it has stopped.

I wish you all the best for whatever you decide to do, educate yourself though it can only help.

[babyducks]

  emilyfields,

There are a lot of tips here.   You can find them HERE.

What you can do is exactly what Leena suggested.   Keep reading, read the boards, the lessons.   Learn all you can about what BPD is.  Learn all you can about how to communicate.   

We do understand about the roller coaster.    Would you like to tell us what you think is the most serious issue you two face?

'ducks

[Emilyfields]

Thanks both of you. For me, I am so afraid of the sudden accusation out of nowhere and I dunno how to response. She will suddenly distant from me, saying I am a loser, rubbish, and I make her suffer... .  Then I will start crying (I'm kinda weak), and this triggers her more and might even start swearing and even say things like I need you to suffer for the rest of your life blah blah blah ... .Until to the point that she had enough of her stress and suddenly feeling so tired and need to sleep... .Then she will reset.

Usually I know how to tackle... .Up until once: her reset button is not really working. She was really mad with some of my friends and I kinda lost contract with them for the past 2 years. And just some little occasion I kinda mentioned their names and she just lost it. She just couldn't stop... .and then a few hours later she is back, just that I couldn't keep up, and reminded her, and she returned to that state... .Basically the roller coaster is going up and down every 12 hours for the whole week and I just collapsed finally, at one time she just slapped me so hard ... .On the street... .Not for once, but it is like she is counting 1,2,3,4,5... .And I forgot for how long.

This is my worst fear for my entire time.

Now this few months she is better and going back to once a while (I mean not nonstop for days), and the reset button is working. She told me less stress in the workplace and therefore she is better now. But I cannot control what is happening in her office, and I dunno when my honeymoon period will end.

[Emilyfields]

Yea, and right. She will kinda forget most of the bad things once she is asleep so I kinda use this as the reset button. But sometimes when she is really angry she will also forget things, for example she forgot we are couple (after together for more than a year at that time)