She just text me again need your opinions i can handle the situation advise a +

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

 A  few minutes ago she texted and said this , amazing how they think .

no hi no nothing she goes :

As soon as I'm able to save money to get Botox again ( she use to blame for her getting wrinkles But I am out 14 months really ?)

I'm going back to the doctor in your "town " He's a genius ,and he gave me a great deal b.c i gave him cash .(Yeah my cash  )

A few seconds latter she goes I don't even know why I'm telling you  shocked


I  have not initiated any contact with her in 120 days and still counting , this was her third try in three weeks .

What is going on she told me 4 months ago consider me dead and I did .

Your comments will be appreciated  , that call for  SOS  includes SKIP also if available thank you

[guy4caligirl]

 A  few minutes ago she texted and said this , amazing how they think .

no hi no nothing she goes :

As soon as I'm able to save money to get Botox again ( she use to blame for her getting wrinkles But I am out 14 months really ?)

I'm going back to the doctor in your "town " He's a genius ,and he gave me a great deal b.c i gave him cash .(Yeah my cash  )

A few seconds latter she goes I don't even know why I'm telling you  shocked


I  have not initiated any contact with her in 120 days and still counting , this was her third try in three weeks .

What is going on she told me 4 months ago consider me dead and I did .

Your comments will be appreciated  , that call for  SOS  includes SKIP also if available thank you

[livednlearned]

It might mean nothing. What are your thoughts?

[guy4caligirl]

 It does to me I think but not going to make anything of it .insinuation isn't my language honesty is... .

1- Any doctor could do a Botox why go 600 miles to do that ?

2 - she knows there is a buying show coming up around my area she had help me in the past ,and she would love to go . She also knows it's coming the first week of Dec , next weekend .

3 she's testing the water , it's my first time in a year and half after the split that I do not response to her texts .120 days NC

4- She might be having some problems with her fiancé and she's ashamed to let me know .Or say I told you so but I wont say it .

5- It could be nothing . But I really doubt it she is very manipulating , she expects me to jump up and say" oh you want to come and visit and I will help you take care of that "  knowing the fact she hadn't found a job since she left she has no money .

[livednlearned]

It makes sense that if she isn't getting a need met in her current situation that she would reach out, hoping she can get a need met elsewhere. You might be one person she reaches out too, there may be others.

It sounds like no contact has helped you disengage. This text message represents a challenge -- she is putting feelers out to see if you are there. How are you feeling about the contact from her? Are you choosing to ignore her text message?

[Joem678]

Guy,

it is stuff like this that scares me.  I have learned that they don't grieve.  They are able to just put the feelings they have, for you, aside.  The message DOES seem pretty random.  Especially, since she still texts when you haven't responded.  My wife does the same.  She even tries to call.  Are they even capable of just saying "I miss you, can we meet?"

[guy4caligirl]

I feel like I shouldn't be responding to her texts or needs ?

I want for her to initiate the "meet" move .

I can easily invite her to attend the buying show with me coming on next weekend ,and pay her also ,she needs the money bad

Although I'm not willing to be rejected again after what I have gone through in the last 16 months no , no

I am stilling flirting and dating it does me good most of the time and sometimes I miss her presence .

Do I want another chance I say yes... .Considering what I have seen out there available in the dating world , sometimes I think of her as a jewel comparing to what I have seen so far from  other women .

Again my situation is different than others and I have my own personal reasons to get back with her .

The million dollar question is

I feel if that's after realizing that am not communicating with her drove her to try to  to engage in  a conversation, and she 's hopping I will respond .

Bpd's way is not like our way,  they are what they are , should I act like a BPD by ignoring her  like she did me or act like what I am all about .

It could  be the right timing that she wants me back , and here I am not going for it because my ego ,

Do I want mess up my chance again and loose her one more time .

Do  I make any sense ?

[livednlearned]

It doesn't seem like she's asking for anything, just chatting. Deciding to ask her to the buying show seems like a big leap forward, especially since her words don't seem to align with an invitation like that. When we read between the lines, we're usually inserting our own needs. You are trying to figure out where she's at, and right now she's just chatting.

You don't have to ignore her. "Hope all goes well with the doctor visit" or something that fits with her last statement is plenty.

[cosmonaut]

Well, we can't really know what she's thinking.  It might be that she's missing you and reaching out.  It might be impulsivity.  We can't really know.  It sounds like she's not even sure herself.

I think what's really important is what you want to do.  How do you want to respond?  If you want to meet with her, I think you will need to open the door to it.  That's just my gut feeling.  She may be reaching out, but she doesn't feel comfortable requesting a meetup.  If you want to see her, then you could say something like "Let me know when you are in town again" and see how she responds.

[startrekuser]

Guy,

it is stuff like this that scares me.  I have learned that they don't grieve.  They are able to just put the feelings they have, for you, aside.  The message DOES seem pretty random.  Especially, since she still texts when you haven't responded.  My wife does the same.  She even tries to call.  Are they even capable of just saying "I miss you, can we meet?"

LOL LOL LOL!  God FORBID my wife would ever do something like this when we have a "disagreement".  She can never agree to disagree. She will do anything and everything to get me to agree that I'm wrong.  She'll send dramatic email after dramatic email.  She'll call me at work.  She's even come to my office.  Since then I've told her that if she comes to my office, I'm having security call the police.  It's unreal.

[OnceConfused]

I'm not willing to be rejected again after what I have gone through in the last 16 months no , no

So why let her back into your conscious thought ? Why can you not just not respond to her text and simply let it go ?

Considering what I have seen out there available in the dating world , sometimes I think of her as a jewel comparing to what I have seen so far from  other women .

Again my situation is different than others and I have my own personal reasons to get back with her

Is she is the jewel compared to other people you have met , then

(1) why you are not with her ?

(2) what make you think she is much better than other people, I don't mean in the physical sense (beauty, the look , the sex) but what about her characters, her ways of making you happy (or miserable).

(3) can you see yourself with her for the next 5, 10 , 20 years and be happy.

[guy4caligirl]

... .That's why I am a member on this amazing forum and posted what  I'm going through . ,

i appreciate your constrictive outlook on my situation 

Thank you Once .

You made me think .

[Joem678]

It also depends on the circumstances on why we would want to give it a try.  In my case, we have four kids together.  Guy, you mentioned some personal reasons as well.  I have no desire to talk to her or see her but if she would send me a "can we talk" text, I would not know what I would do.

[Herodias]

Same here... .Why can't they say they miss you! Mine reached out and implied he was filing papers against me in court and that I should call him when I had time to "speak". He said he hated the distance between us! When you have someone else planning on marrying you... .I would think you would be happy with the "distance"... .By the way, I was supposed to receive these papers by the end of the month. It;s the end of the month- Nothing! As I expected. I almost want to call him out on it, but I am doing so well with the NC.

[guy4caligirl]

It also depends on the circumstances on why we would want to give it a try.  In my case, we have four kids together.  Guy, you mentioned some personal reasons as well.  I have no desire to talk to her or see her but if she would send me a "can we talk" text, I would not know what I would do.

Joem , I feel with you, especially having the kids in the middle of all this sadness . I hope and wish it does get better for you !

If she does text you post on here and  just like I did , you might  like one reply that fits your needs for that day .

 

[Joem678]

Well, I do anticipated guy.  I just wish she could just do it in a healthy manner.  Since going NC, the harshest attempt on her part has been instigating an argument with our 16 year old son.  She tried calling me and when I didn't answer she texted "if you don't answer, I'm calling the cops".  The next day, as if nothing happened.

If we get divorced, I will still have to deal with it with our four kids either way. 

[guy4caligirl]

Today I have mixed feelings or let's say I'm hesitant about texting her back  , I know it could go both way , I didn't put much thoughts in her text , what a difference a year and five months makes ... .It only get better with time !

What would I loose if we get back together , I learned a lot about the disease, I still love her and missed her but she is no longer occupying  the penthouse in my heart .

I see here that everyone say it will get back to the same thing .

I am thinking to respond just like Cosmo suggested ,"let me know the next time  you're  in town again "

It's a neutral response let's see where it leads ... .

Any comments ?

[steve195915]

A  few minutes ago she texted and said this , amazing how they think .

no hi no nothing she goes :

As soon as I'm able to save money to get Botox again ( she use to blame for her getting wrinkles But I am out 14 months really ?)

I'm going back to the doctor in your "town " He's a genius ,and he gave me a great deal b.c i gave him cash .(Yeah my cash  )

A few seconds latter she goes I don't even know why I'm telling you  shocked


I  have not initiated any contact with her in 120 days and still counting , this was her third try in three weeks .

What is going on she told me 4 months ago consider me dead and I did .

Your comments will be appreciated  , that call for  SOS  includes SKIP also if available thank you

Very familiar story.  From my experience I would guess she's having some issues in her current relationship and she may need money so she's putting out feelers to see if you are responsive.  People with BPD are master manipulators and know how to push our buttons and it appears she's pushing yours and got you thinking.  So my guess is if you respond, there's a good chance you can get back together eventually if that's what you desiree.  She may just be looking for other options at this time so it may not happen immediately.  If you want to get back together, don't push for anything, just say kind words and let her do the chasing. 

[guy4caligirl]

Sounds good Steve , I can't think of a kind  response I don't want it to a cold one neither a plead to get back together , I know better not to ... .

Can you help me with a response  in between  ?

U know how we shut down and can't think of a good one at the moment .

[steve195915]

Sounds good Steve , I can't think of a kind  response I don't want it to a cold one neither a plead to get back together , I know better not to ... .

Can you help me with a response  in between  ?

U know how we shut down and can't think of a good one at the moment .

Just saying you think about her and hope she's doing well and if she's in town it would be nice to see her.  You also can say you think about her and you are there for her if she needs something, or just wants a friend to talk to or just to listen.  Saying things like that will let her know you hold no ill-will against her and then leave the next step to her.