Expecting people to just drop everything and come to them?

[SummerStorm]

The first time I was discarded by my former friend BPD, it was after I sent a text that read, "I'm tired of changing plans to accommodate your schedule."  She then tried to turn it back around on me and blame everything on me, etc.

But the truth is that she does this with everyone.  She whines that she has no friends and never does anything.  A friend asks her to do something.  She either says 'no' or cancels plans at the last minute.  Then, when she is bored, she will post a message on Facebook, asking people to come hang out with her.  This a clear pattern with her.  I can go back through her Facebook posts and see this come up constantly.  "I have pizza.  Anyone want to come over?"  "I'm working a long shift.  Someone come visit me." 

I don't know if this is emotional immaturity, lack of boundaries, a general ignorance about how friendships work, or something else entirely.  She's 23.  Most of the people she knows are married, have careers, or don't even live that close to her.  They can't just drop everything to go visit her at the gas station where she works or go sit with her at her apartment and play video games.  Maybe this is her basically being stuck in her teens?  She has a low-paying job and little responsibility, so she assumes that everyone must be like her and can just do whatever, whenever?   

I suppose another thing that strikes me is that it's so impersonal.  If I wanted to hang out with friends, I wouldn't just post to Facebook, desperately asking people to come spend time with me.  I would text a few of my friends and ask, "Hey, are you busy?  Want to grab dinner or something?"  If I saw a post like the ones that she posts from one of my good friends and didn't also receive a personal message from that person, I would be offended.

It's also very much in the here and now, which I suppose matches up with BPD pathology very well.  It's impulsive, doesn't take into consideration anyone else's schedule, etc. 

When we were friends, she would sometimes do this with me, but I didn't really mind it because I enjoyed spending time with her.  Once, she texted me and said, "How about you come over and just sit with me for like an hour until I fall asleep?"  She only lived 10 minutes away and I wasn't busy at the time, so I totally would have.  However, this was in the middle of our friendship, when things were going great and we talked every day, so it was natural for me to want to hang out with my best friend.  I can definitely see how this would rub people the wrong way if they haven't seen her in months and are then just expected to drop everything and spend time with her.  I suppose this is similar to her asking me if I had a room for rent after she discarded me and refused to talk to me for two months.   

After she got out of the hospital, I spent a week trying to get her to go somewhere with me.  She kept ignoring me or changing the subject.  Then, at 4:45 one morning, she texted me and asked me to hang out with her that weekend.  I had already told her that I had plans that weekend.  It was incredibly frustrating. 

My friend is friends with her on Facebook.  In the past two weeks, she has sent her a private message and has commented on one of her posts.  Both went unanswered.  Could it be because I'm painted black and she thinks I'm trying to find out about her?  Possibly.  However, she accepted my friend's friend request, so if I want to know anything, I can just ask my friend.  I post things to my friend's timeline that my former friend can read and also tag my friend in my posts, so she sees my profile pic pop up.  Also, the two questions my friend asked her were, "Hey, how are you?" and "Where are you working now?"  The answer to that second question is public and can be seen by anyone.  And she could answer the first however she wants, without even going into details. 

More than anything, I really think this illustrates her inability to see how her actions affect others.  She doesn't realize that not replying to people for months is not socially acceptable, especially when those people are friends and just asking simple questions.  Recently, there has been an incredible decline in the number of people who like her posts or comment on them.  To me, that is indicative of people getting frustrated and getting tired of her.  She won't even reply to posts from her mom's one friend. 

Did anyone else experience anything like this, either in your relationship specifically, or just in your observations of how your pwBPD interacted with other people?