What dictates who they latch onto?

[guy4caligirl]

Enlighten me

I was going to ask you this question , prior to you posting this last reply, I find it very strange for them to ask for favors after the destruction and the hurt they left behind  they have some guts !

But nothing at the same time surprise me coming from them . I went through the same thing but no more for six months now . B/U 14 months ago NC 120 days and during this last NC she texted and asked me for money I ignored her a week or two latter she called  me for an hour about silly stuff nothing personal I lead the conversation and ended it also .

I say I was doing a whole lot better and I still am but she ignited a tiny fire in me and I know better not to thing this way , I was reading the topics on the site but here I am getting more involved in helping other and make someone's day .

Looks to me I need to read more and more, I learn something new everyday like your last post and Thirdeye 's  .

Any encouraging words  to keep me going on my good path and not expecting her to come back in my life, the last phone call sounded like an attempt to recycle but didn't play her game , I am more prepared for her  than ever also I feel strong just like before I met her 6 years ago ?

Thank you

[enlighten me]

I think the reason my exgf does this is because she somehow thinks were friends and to use her words "neither of us did anything to hurt the other".

I never outed her on her behaviour or the fact that I know she cheated on me. She probably thinks she got away scot free.

My ex wife went through a phase of thinking we were friends and asking favours aswell.

Everydays a school day with BPD.

Ive learnt so much and feel that Im a healthier person than I was. That said I too am also still learning and my exs can throw surprises at me that catch me off guard.

[Learning Fast]

Very interesting thread.  EM has made some very accurate comments which lead us back to how different our pwBPD really are.

I think the latching depends a lot on how much emotional pain they are in at the time of departure.  I'm convinced mine left because the emotional/intimacy level of the relationship had reached Defcon 1.  She immediately needed to latch on to somebody/anybody to fill the massive emotional void (similar to trying to evacuate from a house on fire---I don't care who it is just get me outta here!).  The guy whose arms she fell into is a poor match (about 11 years older, divorced for many years and LDR).  Not someone she would have selected if her house wasn't on fire.  I guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

[guy4caligirl]

Learning fast .

I do agree with you my ex was in an emotional pain and many other things at the time of departure ,she even stayed three nights in a hotel in my town , to see if I run to save her again , I didn't ... .

For 8 to 9 months after she was gone , she  treated me  the BPD treatment  ... Sshould I go in detail 

For a period of a 1000 days I wished I did stop her from leaving .

But I think it was needed for me to learn a quite harsh lesson and improve myself whish's I did and still am ,I came a long way from the fog >

Now  NC 120 days the best thing I have done . she  broke it twice . I won't .

This is to our new members , it takes time believe me ,at this time last year I was on the site daily asking questions reading , there was no way at that period  in time , that I was convinced to go NC but  I am now , and so you will be ready and get out the fog ,your turn is coming hang in there .

Finally she latched on a week latter and moved in with the first available guy 10 years younger than her ,she is now forty one living pay check to pay check  from her supply , hadn't had a job since she left ,in debts to her head .