Makeup Sex

[Should I stay or...]

 

I don't know about your sexual experiences with Bp's, but looking back on mine, the makeup sex was phenomenal.

It has been two months since the last communication with my now exbdgf. I was reflecting on the relationship last night and the differences between my relationship with her and previous relationships; makeup in particular.

In my other relationships makeup sex would occur once possibly twice a year, with my exbpgf it would occur two to three times a month. And, after a recycle, wow, we were like two porn stars.

She once asked me if the sex wasn't that good would we still be going out? Now, I knew my answer could trigger her so, I asked her what did she think, she answered yes. I agreed saying, I guess it helps, right?

The dopamine was always flowing, that's the drug we are always chasing... .if I can get that in a normal relationship, oh yeah!

Thoughts?

[Michelle27]

My ex wanted make up sex often, but for me, it always felt like going through the motions because there was never a true make up, for me anyway.  I never felt things were resolved and from what he told me towards the end, he always felt better after unloading a rage.  I, however, was left with the pain of the things that were said and done during the rage with no resolution or true apology.  By the end of the marriage, sex was mechanical and rather painful for me (emotionally).  I felt like a rubber sex doll... .especially when he would feel so much better afterwards.

[Should I stay or...]

I wonder if there's a difference if the Bp is male or if the Bp is female. Because for me there was a lot of holding and caressing too... .we would talk afterwards resolving our issues when we were most vulnerable, naked.

[peter5v10]

With my exgf i wouldn't classify it as makeup... .because at this point there is no making up but when it has happened it has been phenomenal.  1000 times better than when we were in the actual relationship.  Afterwards tho I feel a little sour that she can only be this way when everything breaks apart.

[saintgrey]

Ha! i know what you mean, sometimes i think the sex was a big reason why i stuck for so long   specially that "makeup sex" after minor arguments.

[CharWood]

Sadly... .and this is probably the most messed up toxic thing ever for me to say... .but it is PHENOMENAL. We recycled once 3 years into our relationship after breaking up for a month... .before we currently broke up after 4. And, even though I regret taking her back... .Geez... .it was probably the best sex I have ever had... .gahhh. . It was like a 3 to 5 hour marathon... .very emotional... .at least she was, she was crying and kissing me the whole time, telling me how sorry she was and how much she loves me, how she never wants to let me go... .blah blah blah... .(I know now that is all BPD craziness)... .but, at the time, I bought into it. It was INTENSE. I remember watching the sun coming up through the blinds and thinking "what the heck just happened"... .one minute that night we were eating popcorn and watching Devil Wears Prada and the next minute we are having romance movie quality makeup sex session... .

I felt like we were in the movie the notebook... .like Noah and Allie stuff going on... .phew.

my ex and I have always had a passionate relationship... .if we aren't all over eachother, we are at each other's throats. There was one time we were arguing in the kitchen and out of nowhere, she just backed me up into the fridge and began kissing me crazily. I do miss that. Though, I do not miss her crazy abuse and unstable behavior that's for sure.

We still live together in our house... .stay in separate bedrooms... .and she has been triangulating with some idiot.  I hit the roof last night over her impulsive behavior... .she has gone off the deep end with the alcohol and meeting strangers off the internet... .I was disgusted.

She and I argued all night last night... .at dinner... .at the movies... .then at home when she said she would leave to go to that clown's house... .apparently, when she went out all night Wednesday night drinking with that clown and his friends, she got emotional and talked about going home and how she still loves me and made a fool of herself. She was going over there to talk to him (typical BPD bull)... .so I told her that after I move out and leave the state, I am out of her life for good... .forget our 4 years together, forget me, I am gone and she can stay here surrounded by strangers... .I have never been so enraged with her in my life for the way she has been treating me: gaslighting, devaluing, painting me to black... .manipulating me. its horrible. as she was walking out of the house, I took a picture of us and set it on fire with a lighter and told her to get out... .move in with him... .get out of my life, that our relationship meant nothing.

well, she was back home within 5 minutes. don't know why she didn't go to his place. but she went into her room crying.

She acknowledged last night when I told her we are strangers to eachother now: if we have these intense fights, we are not strangers to one another... .

its crazy. Sometimes the way we look at one another when fighting... it feels like we will dive at eachother and rip one another's clothes off... .it almost happened once a couple of week's ago when she conned me into getting into the hot tub with her... she tried to rip my swim shorts off.

I know that this is all BPD BS... .I am not sure if there is a part of her in there that wants to love me and cant let me go or if she is really just sick and im an object and she is playing games. BPD is hard to understand.

But, this morning, she came into my bathroom and apologized, told me she doesn't care about the guy, that she wouldn't move in with him or anyone... that if I leave, she wants to go. I didn't say anything. She got naked in front of me and got in my shower... .made an excuse why she cant use hers. she walks around in a towel. it secretly drives me crazy... though she always picks times to come in to my room when I am standing in my underwear I guess I am shocked that we haven't had sex since we broke up in late july... .she got into my bed naked one night, but I was just too pissed off with her to initiate anything and nothing has happened since then.

This break up though... .her behavior has gone WAY TOO FAR... .and it is too abusive and toxic... .I am not sure if I could even enjoy makeup sex with her at this point... .especially knowing how loosey goosey she has been.

[Gonzalo]

So that other people don't think they're alone, there was only one time where we had something that could be called makeup sex. All of the other times we would make up after days of 'cold war', but not have sex for a while longer, and usually that was fairly uninspired. Part of it is that when I'm emotionally off the package does not engage, but she wasn't interested either.

[Should I stay or...]

Sadly... .and this is probably the most messed up toxic thing ever for me to say... .but it is PHENOMENAL. We recycled once 3 years into our relationship after breaking up for a month... .before we currently broke up after 4. And, even though I regret taking her back... .Geez... .it was probably the best sex I have ever had... .gahhh. . It was like a 3 to 5 hour marathon... .very emotional... .at least she was, she was crying and kissing me the whole time, telling me how sorry she was and how much she loves me, how she never wants to let me go... .blah blah blah... .(I know now that is all BPD craziness)... .but, at the time, I bought into it. It was INTENSE. I remember watching the sun coming up through the blinds and thinking "what the heck just happened"... .one minute that night we were eating popcorn and watching Devil Wears Prada and the next minute we are having romance movie quality makeup sex session... .

I felt like we were in the movie the notebook... .like Noah and Allie stuff going on... .phew.

my ex and I have always had a passionate relationship... .if we aren't all over eachother, we are at each other's throats. There was one time we were arguing in the kitchen and out of nowhere, she just backed me up into the fridge and began kissing me crazily. I do miss that. Though, I do not miss her crazy abuse and unstable behavior that's for sure.

Hey CharWood,

If your story ended in my quotes it would be a passionate tale. I know exactly what you're describing. The second part of your post, not quoted in mine is sadly but true. It doesn't last, it goes south until one cries too much I'm outta here, usually the Bp, we stay around for the intensity... .But, I had forgotten about the crying during the love making that you had as well. Boy, I miss that intensity, thanks for the reminder!

[Herodias]

Mine would be intense as well... .make up sex too. I feel like Michelle though, it became fake, like mechanical. I do think there is a difference between men a women. Women tend to be more emotional I think. The sex needs to have love and trust behind it. For me when that was gone, the sex was not as good. To know he was having the same sex with other people, left me not feeling as special and I was done. I have had one night stands in the past and they can be exciting... .but nothing compares to being in love with someone and knowing each others bodies. Sometimes I think the female BPD's act like porn stars and put on a big show for their men and that's why the men feel it is so fantastic... .because they are getting what they see in movies and it is like the beginning of the r/s. In time, unless you make a real effort, sex will become dull in all r/s's. My BPD husband expected me to be the porn star all the time and thought if it was;t like that, I must not love him. It was ridiculous. He also got heavily into porn and I am sorry, I am not "paid" to do what those women do. I have more respect for myself. I would hope most men would respect their wives to not ask them to do some of those things all of the time. I agreed to do some of it sometimes, but that wasn't enough for my husband. We had sex practically everyday- I never said no... .Not good enough. Sad, very sad.

[myself]

Get closer, get away... .Get closer, get away... .Get closer, get away... .

That was the pattern. The connection was what we were looking for.

The wounds were still raw on both sides. It felt good to feel good again.

[Should I stay or...]

BH,

I agree nothing compares to being in love and knowing another's body... .I believe  there must be a difference between the two sexes with Bp's and making love.

As wonderful as our love was, I can remember one evening when I had little too much to drink and couldn't preform, she left me there in bed and went home; left me saying, you don't love me! Oh my... .talk about feeling worthless... .

[butterfly15]

Our sex was amazing during our honeymoon phase. He never would want makeup sex he said our prior fighting turned him off me not on. I was missing good makeup sex. However when we had periods of ST and we reunited sex was again amazing. I think that's a huge reason why this relationship lasted so long for me.

[Fr4nz]

Hey guys, I can relate with your stories, especially the incredible intensity related to make-up sex. However, In the end this seems to belong to the long-lasting diatribe related to "intimacy vs intensity", where the real problem with BPDs is that they fail to achieve the former.

More here:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201202/problems-emotional-intimacy-typical-bps-and-nps