How to handle first contact after breakup

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So my exuBPDgf called the night before Thanksgiving after over two months of NC. We had gone through 2 previous recycles and I believe she is or was seeing her exbf after we were together 20 months (knowing this absolutely devastates me). I still have the voicemail on my phone. Should I listen to it or let it go? I have been healing and I believe hearing her voice will set me back in this process. But, I also want her back. At least I think I do. This sucks. Definitely haven't gotten over her yet. My therapist said I should delete it and let it go. I know deep down that what I want out of a relationship may not be achievable with her and I most likely will continue to hurt by prolonging any contact. But I also know that she gave me things I have never felt before in any other relationship. my heart wants to pursue any lead. Even just getting the call brought back a range of emotions. What is the smart move here? Any advise welcome

[FlyFish]

So my exuBPDgf called the night before Thanksgiving after over two months of NC. We had gone through 2 previous recycles and I believe she is or was seeing her exbf after we were together 20 months (knowing this absolutely devastates me). I still have the voicemail on my phone. Should I listen to it or let it go? I have been healing and I believe hearing her voice will set me back in this process. But, I also want her back. At least I think I do. This sucks. Definitely haven't gotten over her yet. My therapist said I should delete it and let it go. I know deep down that what I want out of a relationship may not be achievable with her and I most likely will continue to hurt by prolonging any contact. But I also know that she gave me things I have never felt before in any other relationship. my heart wants to pursue any lead. Even just getting the call brought back a range of emotions. What is the smart move here? Any advise welcome

[JaneStorm]

So my exuBPDgf called the night before Thanksgiving after over two months of NC. We had gone through 2 previous recycles and I believe she is or was seeing her exbf after we were together 20 months (knowing this absolutely devastates me). I still have the voicemail on my phone. Should I listen to it or let it go? I have been healing and I believe hearing her voice will set me back in this process. But, I also want her back. At least I think I do. This sucks. Definitely haven't gotten over her yet. My therapist said I should delete it and let it go. I know deep down that what I want out of a relationship may not be achievable with her and I most likely will continue to hurt by prolonging any contact. But I also know that she gave me things I have never felt before in any other relationship. my heart wants to pursue any lead. Even just getting the call brought back a range of emotions. What is the smart move here? Any advise welcome

Follow the therapist's direction.  The first few times will be hatd. I am bracing myself. What were you doing before you met her? We're you stable and happy in your skin?

[FlyFish]

Jane,

Yes I was stable, confident, and content in life before I met her. All that is gone now as most everyone on here can relate. Makes me question wether I was truly satisfied before this relationship. I have discovered a lot of my true self since the breakup, including codependency. In the long term discovering my underlying self may help me in the future? Therapy has opened my eyes to a whole new world and way of thinking.

Just don't know. Still so hurt. Still very much in love.

[JaneStorm]

Jane,

Yes I was stable, confident, and content in life before I met her. All that is gone now as most everyone on here can relate. Makes me question wether I was truly satisfied before this relationship. I have discovered a lot of my true self since the breakup, including codependency. In the long term discovering my underlying self may help me in the future? Therapy has opened my eyes to a whole new world and way of thinking.

Just don't know. Still so hurt. Still very much in love.

We are in good company, Brother.  I too was happy, active, didn't smoke, friends, and future plans. I feel he took all that from me also sometimes but then I remembered,  I gave it to him. I will go back to the awesome, beautiful,  strong, happy, and well adjusted woman I was... .just a lot wiser. My heart will always be open but I see my codependency will need to be managed forever,  it can't be cured. I am ok with that. I'd rather put energy into controlling that than put it in his endless black well of torment. I am still in love with him and I know it will not ever be the dream he sold me.

[hashtag_loyal]

My therapist said I should delete it and let it go. I know deep down that what I want out of a relationship may not be achievable with her and I most likely will continue to hurt by prolonging any contact. But I also know that she gave me things I have never felt before in any other relationship. my heart wants to pursue any lead. Even just getting the call brought back a range of emotions. What is the smart move here? Any advise welcome

Listen to your therapist. You're not paying your heart for expert advice.

[steelwork]

It took me more than half a year of total radio silence before I could delete the emails, voicemails, chats, and texts. It hurt like hell. I miss having them. But it was the right thing to do.