I’m lost

[Bluedarkblue]

Hello there. I’ve never been on anything like this before so I’m not sure what to say. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years. I should’ve seen the signs from the beginning. I either ignored or thought it would change or get better. Here I am 10 years later and I feel like I’m still in year 1. The only thing that has changed is myself. I used to bounce back easily when there was an apology or a joke or a hug to break the silence. But I am now to a point where I think “this is my life?” I can’t give him my whole self because in his eyes it’s not what he would do so it’s wrong. And if I think that way than I am out of this world crazy and how can I love him. Even when it’s something as silly as cars turning their brights on to let him know his truck lights are bright. I’m lost. I feel like I’m babbling and don’t know what I’m even saying. I’ve pushed all of my family and friends out because they weren’t “right” in his eyes. I have no one to talk with. I am now embarrassed to talk with them and admit that I’m in a crazy controlling relationship. They would all say leave but I have 2 Kids and haven’t had a job since I was a teenager. When he’s happy there is nothing better. So I’m not even sure if I want to leave. I know I need counseling but he just quit his job yesterday. Also he has told me in he past that there is no reason for me to ever see a therapist. So I would need to hide it... .wow. I’ve never said these things out loud and now I see how crazy this is. I am controlled. Help

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Bluedarkblue and

youve found us; albeit under the most difficult of circumstances, but here you will find hope and support.

youve invested a great deal of yourself in your ten year marriage and you do sound exhausted. i know i found it so hard to know where to start telling my story.

its a good idea now that youve found us to start absorbing all that this place has to offer. directly to the right of the board you should see a list of lessons and tools. dig in. you will see (as im sure you know) that not everything is intuitive about dealing with our partners but that with some practice, we can reduce conflict and stress in our lives, take better care of ourselves, and get our relationships on a healthier path.

can you give us some examples of the primary sources of conflict in your marriage? this will help us get a better picture going forward.

[pearlsw]

Hi bluedarkblue,

I understand that lost feeling. I was with my husband a long time before I could figure out what was "off" about things. I have felt very controlled at times too. It is a horrible feeling. I know how hard it is to get these stories out when we have held them in for so long. One of the nice things about this site is that we support each other - we do not tell each other to stay or to leave. We try to understand and share our insights. As once removed said there are a lot of tools here. I know I was here reading a lot on the boards before I even quite realized how much there really is! It is definitely worth exploring! I am isolated and don't have other resources either so you are not alone in this! But we do all have each other!

Wishing you peace!