BPD ex Contacts Me

[rosesarered777]

Wished me a merry Christmas. I said I hoped she got everything she wanted. She left October 23rd and reconnected today, December 26th.

Now she wants to add me on her pet's account. Does she want to reconnect even though she now lives 2 hours away?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Distance and time may have lessened her triggers concerning you. The connection she wants to keep is about her feelings. The connection you want to keep are about yours. What are your feelings here?

Did she respond when you said what you did?

[rosesarered777]

My feelings are that I still like-like her and she claims she will re-add me on Facebook. Claims that she missed speaking to me, doesn't hate me as a person but hates what I did (? -- I treated her with respect and care). She says she will give me her phone number eventually but did not add me on Facebook and who knows if I can trust that she will give me her new phone number?

She sought me out. I was surprised that she contacted me after saying she would never reach out after and keep me blocked forever.

[MapleBob]

Have you been in contact at all since October? Pretty much exactly two months of NC plus a sentimental holiday means that she's at least still thinking about you, probably missing you, probably wondering where you're at and what your status is at least. Her motivations are pretty unclear, though, so proceed with caution. She could just be looking for attention.

[rosesarered777]

I reached out to her twice wishing her a Merry Xmas and talking about us. As I expected, it must have got her thinking about the past because she blocked me immediately after on a dating website. She enjoyed my company and I would presume thinks weren't going as planned for her.

Last night she said she wanted to try again but "build our foundations", so try not to go so fast as we did when we first met.

[livednlearned]

Last night she said she wanted to try again but "build our foundations", so try not to go so fast as we did when we first met.

What are your thoughts on how to do this? When you first met, how did things go -- it sounds like it may have felt like engulfment to her. What would need to change?

[rosesarered777]

She suggested we need a counselor. I suggested a communications therapist.

[MapleBob]

She suggested we need a counselor. I suggested a communications therapist.

I'd recommend going very slowly - and if you're strong enough, make it ALL about your responsibility at first, and dovetail into hers. If it gets too real too fast she might bail again. But her suggesting counseling is *very* positive.

[rosesarered777]

She asked me if I cared about her right after saying she "knew" I didn't care about anyone else. I told her that I definitely cared about her and that probably made her feel more relaxed. Today she was asking what I was thinking about after we agreed to meet up and hangout in a few weeks time. She has no luck replacing me and I informed her that she didn't have much luck replacing me... which she could only say "meh" to.