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Author Topic: BPD-ex and I Will be Attending the Same New Year's Eve Party  (Read 468 times)
mrwigand
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« on: December 17, 2015, 12:03:55 AM »

Was looking forward to a friend's New Years Eve party, and then I found my ex will be attending as well. We've been broken up for a little less than a year, but I still get a little uneasy at the idea of seeing her in person. No big deal, but my first reaction was anxiety. I haven't spoken to her for about a month (funnily enough, our last communication was party related... .I ran into her and her new boyfriend unexpectedly at a party, said some kind words but then kind of surreptitiously left because I didn't think I wanted to be there. She texted me a day later at like midnight asking if I was weirded out by seeing her. I guess I didn't hide it as well as I thought

I know I don't want to avoid this party because she'll be there. Truly, the idea of seeing her there does get to me, but I don't want to give someone that power over me. I don't know what's best though. A part of me almost wants to (try) to take full control of the situation, contact her before hand to ask if she's going to the party and offer to catch up at the party. We're on good terms, and that's a plausible conversation. I know that sounds weird, but I'd almost prefer establishing something before have rather than going into the party not sure how I'm going to handle the situation.

I suppose the other option would be to go the party and just acknowledge her kindly/cordially, but not go out of my way to interact with her. As stupid as it sounds though, I don't really want to hurt her feelings, and give her the impression I'm giving her the cold shoulder.

I don't know, is this making sense? Any advice, insight, feedback would be appreciate Smiling (click to insert in post)
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C.Stein
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2360



« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2015, 10:20:30 AM »

You are in a better place than I.  I would avoid that party like the plague at this point in my "recovery".  However if I were in your shoes I would probably go with option 2.  You say you don't want to give her power over you but contacting her before the party will do exactly that IMO.  It is an unspoken admission that she still has power over you.
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mrwigand
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 147


« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2015, 10:48:30 AM »

Thanks for the feedback!

Turns out my current girlfriend will be back in town early and attending the party with me. So I doubt I'll go out of my way to talk to my ex too much, though my girlfriend knows all about my ex and how I feel about things and would probably be supportive of however I decided to handle it.

I understand where you're coming from regarding avoiding the party like the plague Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). I've done that a lot myself Smiling (click to insert in post)
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