fieldtrip1
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3
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« on: December 15, 2015, 01:06:02 PM » |
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hey, I've been in a sort of a complicated relationship with this guy (gay) for 8 months and I've always thought he's got some mental issue and recently realized what he has is probably BPD. (He cares very much about his self image, how he's seen to others, extremely insecure and always has huge fears about people leaving/blaming him and is very sensitive of others "betraying" him, cutting off people for no good reasons. He is a bit manipulative, has to get what he wants otherwise falls into some kind of a depression mode and saying things like he's forever alone and no one can help him. Other traits... he can be VERY easily distracted and is having difficulties with paying attention, also forgetting things A LOT. He's aware that he's had some mental issues but doesn't see medical treatment as an option for a personal reason.
Anyways, he and I were not exactly in an exclusive relationship because I didn't want to, but were also pretty much inseparable, a bit co-dependent. Basically I let him depend on me big times, almost like a professional caretaker, sometimes financially too. He's a foreigner here so he does need some help from time to time. He's gotten a little used to getting help from me, always asking me for favors but sometimes a bit ungrateful, forget the fact that I helped him and even complained about how things should be done properly, but basically he's always a good person.
Since our relationship was not exclusive, both of us were free to date and he literally met TONS of other guys, mostly meaningless to him, and him being a bit promiscuous was fine with me. But he sometimes got jealous even for my platonic friends. Thinking that I'm being "distant". The weird thing was that he would always want to involve me in those "dates" of his and triangulate. I wasn't all smitten by him for a few months so I was never jealous, but I always felt it was waste of my time hanging out with his "dates".
But lately, I've had some personal issues and felt a lot more vulnerable but he has become a lot more stable so I grew a lot attached to him than before while he found that a bit weird. He on the other hand was not as much as into me as before, probably after knowing the fact that I'd move to another town soon, but I also felt I didn't have a say in that cause I was the one who didn't want an exclusive relationship and was moving out of town, albeit not too far away. So he started to spend more time with other guys and would only come to my place in super late hours like 3AM when he's alone and bored. But no sex. (he said he would do it if I want but he himself doesn't feel like having it). I felt a little used and disrespected because I professed my feelings that I like him more than before but also made it clear that I still don't think relationship is gonna work between him and I, so he knew where I was, but he would still say things like he loves me yet he spent less time with me except when he needed to meet me for help or boredom. At least that's how I felt and I told him about this but nothing changed.
Then finally he met this new guy whom he started to idolize, (he usually likes to idolize/worship new people he meet, esp. people with good backgrounds/intelligence/etc.) and I just sensed this new guy was a bit different than his other ordinary "dates", and I felt jealous and thought I need some boundaries eventually cause he would always brag about him and talk me into hanging out with them. (His typical triangulating move.) But for some time he didn't put the new guy on the pedestal immediately and he did still f other guys so I thought maybe I was overreacting since the new guy looks so good on paper and I'm probably more jealous because of that. He and I had planned to do something together and the plan had been set for weeks and only days before the event he asked if he can bring that new guy too. I sent him messages saying no and telling him how it makes me jealous and uncomfortable and that I don't mind them dating but I do mind hanging out as a group, but he didn't respond. He did the thing with the new guy without me in the end.
Days later he reappeared as if nothing happened, then suggested to hang out so I agreed, and the moment we met he immediately started to brag about how things are going so great with the new guy and how amazing he is. I just didn't want to start a fight but I was a little sullen, then a day later, I thought I couldn't handle it anymore and needed to set boundaries, so I sent him another long message later, saying I can't stand him keep pulling the trigger even though I repeatedly told him that I don't wanna hear about the details of his new guy not to mention hanging out with them both for now, despite me being okay with them going out, and since I am confused with my feelings it's better that he and I don't meet for a while.
He read it and ignored it, never replied me back. And then about three days later, he changed his FB status to "in relationship"... that was after 2 weeks since he first met him! and for the first week he was still sleeping with others and still would tell me that he loved me! But, what's done is done I thought and I didn't want to be his enemy, so I just liked the relationship post and sent him a message, yet again, telling him that I'm happy for them and I never meant to discard the friendship between him and I and that I hope he and I keep in touch as friends. But he ignored that message again, while he was so happily replying to others on FB.
I'm wondering if this state will continue or eventually he would come around. I'm not mad at him now and now the jealousy phase has faded so I just feel sorry for what has happened and hope he and I don't end on bad terms. And after all, we've still got some unfinished business with his debt (nothing too hefty and he also left some items at my place.
Fortunately I was about to be away for a while anyway so I've been in my happy place and quickly regained my calm and confidence, but I haven't reinitiated contacts with him since I don't want to disrespect his space or come off as desperate, but at the same time I'm worried if this is just done for good and he would never come around, especially since he's a very proud person.
For now I'm thinking I would drop a line on Christmas, wishing him merry Christmas and tell him I'm still grateful that I got to know him this year and even though he and I've been not talking and I respect that he can talk to me anytime he wants. And even if he don't reply to that one either I won't be crushed or anything.
Thanks!
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