I need help tonight. He is with someone else

[Depression = 72% of members]

Things were getting so much better between us. We were planning what to do for New Years. I had his drivers license and was going to drop it off with him and saw him outside his complex with another girl and her dog so I kept driving. He saw me. He texted saying he hadn't planned anything yet. An hour later I tried to call, he answered playfully and said he would call me right back and then hung up. An hour went by. I texted is everything ok. It's been 30 minutes with no response. I am so upset. I want to think that everything's ok, but I know it's not. He's probably having sex with her as I write this. I am so stupid. Why can't I stop myself from opening this door to him. What feels the worst is that he is placing her in front of me. He can't even respond. If I get mad, I won't hear from him for a month.

[Lovingme35]

Things were getting so much better between us. We were planning what to do for New Years. I had his drivers license and was going to drop it off with him and saw him outside his complex with another girl and her dog so I kept driving. He saw me. He texted saying he hadn't planned anything yet. An hour later I tried to call, he answered playfully and said he would call me right back and then hung up. An hour went by. I texted is everything ok. It's been 30 minutes with no response. I am so upset. I want to think that everything's ok, but I know it's not. He's probably having sex with her as I write this. I am so stupid. Why can't I stop myself from opening this door to him. What feels the worst is that he is placing her in front of me. He can't even respond. If I get mad, I won't hear from him for a month.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lovingme35]

I want to go over to his house so bad. I know it's a bad idea. Maybe I should confront him once and for all. Anyone else would

[guy4caligirl]

Hi I think you should keep your calm and not think the worth of it , it  could be a neighbor or anything else , you never know, texting sucks sometimes and you are okay to think either way , I am sure he will text you back with a decent reason I hope !

[lovenature]

You are likely being triangulated with this other woman; you can't say for sure but knowing what you do about BPD and your gut instinct surely can guide you.

Regardless, why do you want to keep going through what you are?

Without years of therapy a BPD relationship is doomed to failure; the more one accepts and loves their pwBPD, the more they get pushed away. :'(

[Skip]

You are likely being triangulated with this other woman; you can't say for sure but knowing what you do about BPD and your gut instinct surely can guide you.

It's a leap to go from talking to someone walking a dog to have sex with them - we see members make that mental leap and then comeback with egg on their face. It's torture - and then its humiliating.

You can't know.

Stay cool. Don't confront. Keep your eyes open, but your spirit positive. Let this play out a bit more. See what develops.

[Lovingme35]

I don't have any better news today. He wrote back after I posted this saying, "sorry was on the other line with property manager." Today we talked and he said he was actually waiting for his property manager to call. (More bs)

He just stopped off at my work and picked up his ID while I was having lunch. Totally disconnected, wouldn't even look at me. I didn't even try to talk to him at that point. Then he took off.

Looking like my New Year is going to be by myself

[kc sunshine]

Oh I'm so sorry. Being replaced is THE WORST. I thought her painting me black and breaking up with me (saying things like I ruined her life) was the worst, but being replaced is so much worse because they just go distant (if that is what is happening-- I agree with Skip, it's hard to know though). Anyway, we're right here. Keep writing us.   

[patientandclear]

The closeness with you was not stable and permanent and he is probably reacting to that in some fashion. By the same token, the withdrawn stance is probably also not stable and permanent. He changes--that is probably the constant.