Black/White thinking

[HurtinNW]

I'm curious if any of you have seen progress with your significant other in regards to this. My boyfriend's black/white thinking is one of his major challenges. He is either putting me on a pedestal or painting me black. I'd like to get to a more realistic understanding that I am both loveable and flawed, like everyone else on the planet. I'm not sure what techniques work well for that.

I am doing really good at establishing boundaries and have been pleasantly surprised at how well they are working.

Thank you for all the support!

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ProKonig]

The thing I've found is black and white thinking generally occurs more during dysregulation. At that point it's impossible to 'win' an argument by stating something that is clear true (reality is gray).

You can't 'fight the battle' when someone is dysregulated. Idea off the top of my head; maybe you should right about everything he gets black and white about in loving letter. Give it to him in a period of non-dysregulation. If you've said your piece over these issues, just let him reflect on it when he is in a good mental place.

You're doing the right thing by setting boundaries and I'm glad to hear you're having success. Disengage from the black and white battles (especially if they tend to lead (or are part of) dysregulation). I found myself saying the same things over and over every week or month, it's taxing and drains you emotionally.

[waverider]

It is hard to stop the pattern of thinking, as that is just the BPD thought process. You can reduce its severity though by reducing their defensiveness. This is the consequence of consistent use of the tips and techniques on this site.

You can also reduce you sensitivity to it by increasing your own self belief and reactivness to it.