Caved saw her on New Years Eve

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi this is my first post.


I broke up with my exBPDgf in late October, after a stormy filled 3 month relationship. I had had enough of the emotional abuse, excessive flirting with men and women, the arguments unnecessary drama. I was free, so I thought, Hadn't heard from her in 10 days.

She texted me asking how I was doing. I answered her and kept it brief. I wouldn't hear from her for days, and then she would text me just to see if I would bite. I did every time. I missed her, thought about her almost constantly. She would invite me to come over, but I refused. She would continue texting me almost daily, sometimes asking to meet. While I did well by staying away, I couldn't resist communicating with her.

Holidays come along and I cave. We had been chatting for weeks, she was being really nice, and I asked her out to lunch. Thinking it would be a casual thing. This led to other lunches, where I would validate her mostly. There was nothing physical besides a warm hug at the end of the date. At this point I believed that we were friends. She would sometimes act like we were still in a relationship. I was falling for her again. I got my bearings again, and told her that I just wanted to be friends and not rush into anything. She agreed.

I was lonely on new years eve and decided to text her asking what she would be doing later that night. She said she was available. Decided to go to the local new years eve out door party complete with fire works. 15 minutes before midnight we went to a secluded area, and she pulled out a champagne bottle. Countdown came on, and the fireworks went on, and I decided to hug her at this point I wasn't even thinking to kiss her believing it was understood we were friends. At the end of the fireworks, she held her arms open, and I hugged her again when it was clear she wanted to kiss.

Went back to my place where we ended up talking till 5 am. She brought up the fact that we didn't honor the new years eve kiss tradition. I told her she was welcomed to stay, but she decided to leave. As soon as the door closed I felt guilty for not kissing her, and secondly that she didn't stay the night.

Fast forward to now and I feel like crap for maintaining contact with her when I know to the core that it is wrong. Ultimately I wanted to have sex with her.  I also feel like I'm leading her on by continuing to see her.

I need some advice on how to break this off as I'm nearing to getting back into more then just friends relationship. I can't completely go no contact. This is a small community, that I cant move away from. I basically see her everyday.

[Rayban]

Hi this is my first post.


I broke up with my exBPDgf in late October, after a stormy filled 3 month relationship. I had had enough of the emotional abuse, excessive flirting with men and women, the arguments unnecessary drama. I was free, so I thought, Hadn't heard from her in 10 days.

She texted me asking how I was doing. I answered her and kept it brief. I wouldn't hear from her for days, and then she would text me just to see if I would bite. I did every time. I missed her, thought about her almost constantly. She would invite me to come over, but I refused. She would continue texting me almost daily, sometimes asking to meet. While I did well by staying away, I couldn't resist communicating with her.

Holidays come along and I cave. We had been chatting for weeks, she was being really nice, and I asked her out to lunch. Thinking it would be a casual thing. This led to other lunches, where I would validate her mostly. There was nothing physical besides a warm hug at the end of the date. At this point I believed that we were friends. She would sometimes act like we were still in a relationship. I was falling for her again. I got my bearings again, and told her that I just wanted to be friends and not rush into anything. She agreed.

I was lonely on new years eve and decided to text her asking what she would be doing later that night. She said she was available. Decided to go to the local new years eve out door party complete with fire works. 15 minutes before midnight we went to a secluded area, and she pulled out a champagne bottle. Countdown came on, and the fireworks went on, and I decided to hug her at this point I wasn't even thinking to kiss her believing it was understood we were friends. At the end of the fireworks, she held her arms open, and I hugged her again when it was clear she wanted to kiss.

Went back to my place where we ended up talking till 5 am. She brought up the fact that we didn't honor the new years eve kiss tradition. I told her she was welcomed to stay, but she decided to leave. As soon as the door closed I felt guilty for not kissing her, and secondly that she didn't stay the night.

Fast forward to now and I feel like crap for maintaining contact with her when I know to the core that it is wrong. Ultimately I wanted to have sex with her.  I also feel like I'm leading her on by continuing to see her.

I need some advice on how to break this off as I'm nearing to getting back into more then just friends relationship. I can't completely go no contact. This is a small community, that I cant move away from. I basically see her everyday.

[bAlex]

Hi Rayban

If you read my post you'll see that I paid dearly for not going NC sooner, or rather, for responding to her when she contacted me. I believed we could be friends at times but I was wrong. You say you see her every day and that it's nearly impossible to do... I know the deal, bc we still worked together for about a year after we broke up. This might sound stupid, or obvious, but I think you absolutely have to find a way to remove her from your life.

[FlyingJ]

Listen my man... .

I have been going through the same back and forth struggle for 3 solid years. I always put my foot down and ultimatum caved to her every single time. This went on for three years. She kept telling me things would be different and "one more chance" for her to prove she's worth it. I got gifts (bribed) back into being with her on quite a few occasions.

Take it from me... .It will NEVER change. When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. And I mean when they SHOW you. Not tell you. Actions move mountains. Talk is cheap. It's hard as hell man but do it. I'm on 1 month of final no contact. It does get easier.