Met mutual BFF today for lunch

[hopealways]

I am 6+ months NC with my BPDx and today I met our mutual BFF, a female, whom I was friends with several years before she met my BPDx. Needless to say our friendship deteriorated while I was with my BPDx and this mutual friend also is disappointed with my BPDx for her own list of reasons although I know they keep constant contact.

This mutual BFF wanted to come over and see me as it had been 5 months or so we had not met. I invited her over for lunch to my home.

It was nice seeing her but she did not once mention my ex or even inquire if I was seeing anyone or had a girlfriend.  I felt empty when she left as it seemed like her not mentioning my BPDx almost made my thinking of her all these months seem stupid, and put even more reality to her being gone forever. I guess I had hoped to have her ask if I was seeing someone because I would think that my ex put her up to it, but her not asking anything made the visit seem totally innocent.

I wonder when that day will come when I just won't care anymore  :'(

[Herodias]

It is strange, but maybe she didn't want to upset you... .sometimes you don't know how people are going to react. Sorry you are hurting by this. Sometimes people don't want to get caught up in the middle, so they just compartmentalize. It may be up to you to decide if you want to remain friends with her, knowing she is friends with your ex.

[shatra]

  If she asked directly, it would have been obvious that your ex put her up to it, or that she was going to go back and tell your ex about it... .which probably happened anyway.

   She might have been waiting to see if you brought up having a girlfriend.

  Did you ask her about your ex?  If not, she might have been reluctant to bring up your current status or mention your ex.  And that info might be given to your ex (that you didn't ask about her)

[once removed]

did you have a good time? connect? restoring old friendships is a great idea and i think its typically better to leave the ex out of that dynamic; she probably feels the same way. i take that to mean shes more interested in you and your friendship than you and the ex.

[hopealways]

Shatra, I agree with your analysis.  I guess she could tell from my demeanor that there was nobody else so she didnt even have to ask.

Onceremoved I did have a great time. But it also made me think of my ex.  I can't let go of this friend she is too close. In fact shes the one who introduced me to my BPDx that fateful night 4 years ago. Ouch. I agree with you, she seems more interested in me and our friendship than bringing up the ex.  She has tried to stay out of it all the past few years anyways. But last year during one of our 1 month splits I saw this friend and then when I went home my BPDx called me saying this mutual friend told her I was there and then we got back together. So I know there is communication.  But best thing is to move forward, I should be grateful there was no mention of her, what good would it do.