Can I "Slip a Note" to my Mom's Therapist?

[Recycle]

Hello all 

I am a caregiver to my uBPD Mom. If I was going to a medical doctor with her and was concerned about something sensitive (like Alzheimer's), I've been encouraged to "slip a note" to the doctor to let them know they should screen for memory loss.

I'm wondering your thoughts about doing the same thing with her (new) therapist? She's FINALLY made an appointment with one this week and I'm taking her to make sure she goes. I'm thinking about slipping the therapist a note (or sending her an email) at or previous to the appointment that says "I think she may have BPD."

Appropriate? Thoughts? 

Thank you so much!

[VitaminC]

Well, given that the disorder is relatively recently termed as one and that many therapists aren't trained to look for the characteristics, I think there's a good possibility your SO won't be diagnosed. So it seems from everything I've been reading.

I emailed a therapist who my pwBPD had seen and turned to a few times with a link to this page, saying that I had been reading the many articles and messagboards and that I thought he would find them interesting too. I gave this link: https://bpdfamily.com/

In my case, I did it because there's a slim chance my ex will turn to him again and also because the more I read, the more I think that without a diagnosis there's just no hope.

Maybe something like that would be doable? As for 'appropriate' - jeezus, who knows. Does that even count?

[chels93]

I am a therapy intern right now and unfortunately I do not think this would be allowed :/ You may be able to give it to the therapist but technically speaking, the therapist shouldn't read it or at least without the patient's consent  

[Notwendy]

I think it is possible to contact them, but they can not speak to you without the patient's consent. If you are your mother's caretaker, ideally, she should sign a consent form for you to speak to her doctors. I get this though, as my father signed consents for me, and my mother does not.

There were times though I felt I had to let the doctors know, but it was a very difficult decision about where my place in this should be. The risk is that the doctor will discuss this with the patient, after all, they can't treat the patient for anything you tell them, without their consent. Since I have done this, the results were one or more of these possibilities:

It helped the situation

The doctor would say something about it and they would get angry with me

They would refute it and the doctor would not know who to believe.

I think you have to weight the pros and cons of your decisions, and be willing to take the anger. In another situation I had a close friend who was hospitalized and I knew there were things related to her health that she was not telling the doctor. Although, this is none of my business, these things were life threatening and so, I felt I needed to say something. I did ,and it helped the doctor to know this when he was treating her, but she found out and the friendship was ended. I just could not continue to be her friend and pretend she was not harming herself.

In a similar way, trying to help my parents has resulted in them being angry at me. This really has felt hurtful. However, I think we have to weigh our reasons for saying something, and do what we think is best.

[Suzn]

Hi Recycle   

Awesome news your mom has decided to see a T. Emailing my brother's T is something I've daydreamed about maybe a millions times.    And then, I let it go because I think therapy is a very personal decision and unless it was something life threatening I would view sending an email that I wasn't asked to send as stepping over a boundary. (But boy, if I'm ever asked I will stop what I'm doing in order to get it written and sent before he changed his mind.)

Your mom made a courageous decision to make an appt, I hope we hear she keeps it. I read a few of your other threads and it sounds like she always cancels. Walking through the door is the hardest part for someone who has anxiety issues and always cancels. So, if you did share a note and the therapist shared it that may end therapy before it gets started and like Notwendy says, you'll have the anger to deal with.

The next thing I'd be concerned with is that a lot of therapists won't work with pwBPD. If the therapist is experienced enough she will recognize it eventually and deal with it professionally. If your mom keeps the appt she could find that she really enjoys going, she will get the help she needs and it could be a stepping stone for other things she normally cancels.

That said, I agree with the others that it would be a difficult decision as a caretaker. My fingers are crossed for you that she will follow through.   

[bubblegirl]

Well, given that the disorder is relatively recently termed as one and that many therapists aren't trained to look for the characteristics, I think there's a good possibility your SO won't be diagnosed. So it seems from everything I've been reading.

BPD has been a disorder in the DSM since 1980, so it's definitely not a recent thing.  All qualified, licensed Ts should be trained on it and its characteristics. The hard part is that personality disorders aren't always obvious right away. The therapist should be able to spot it, but if your mother is presenting her best face for the T, it could take several months for the T to see it. Which means your mom has to stick it out long enough for the T to put two and two together.