BPD overall state of mind

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

You all give me such great knowledge so I'll ask another question! I read somewhere where a therapist said people with BPD have wide arrange of emotions very often throughout the day . And that being in a "normal serene" state is not one they are in often. And I totally saw that the last 7 months I was dating him, it went down hill so fast once he picked up gambling! He made me go 3 times a week. Then he would yell at me when he lost, And the two months after our breakup he was a mess and emotionally all over the place. But in the beginning and often times throughout our relationship I like to remember him being even toned and more stable. How can they act so stable for such a long time? Well, he did have some ref flags but they were few and far between. But how to they hide it without having a melt down in front of you? That is my question? I'm wondering if that's more in my head? I swear looking back on the 20 months I feel like I was with 3 different people! My memories are foggy, fuzzy like childhood memories from 30 years ago and this just happened within 6 months. So strange.

[Itstopsnow]

You all give me such great knowledge so I'll ask another question! I read somewhere where a therapist said people with BPD have wide arrange of emotions very often throughout the day . And that being in a "normal serene" state is not one they are in often. And I totally saw that the last 7 months I was dating him, it went down hill so fast once he picked up gambling! He made me go 3 times a week. Then he would yell at me when he lost, And the two months after our breakup he was a mess and emotionally all over the place. But in the beginning and often times throughout our relationship I like to remember him being even toned and more stable. How can they act so stable for such a long time? Well, he did have some ref flags but they were few and far between. But how to they hide it without having a melt down in front of you? That is my question? I'm wondering if that's more in my head? I swear looking back on the 20 months I feel like I was with 3 different people! My memories are foggy, fuzzy like childhood memories from 30 years ago and this just happened within 6 months. So strange.

[Turkish]

Maybe look at it like you were fulfilling an emotional need for a while, until he felt that you weren't. His gamblng losses weren't your responsibility, though he unfairly placed them upon you. Maybe you could have validated better, but who knows. He chose to play a game where the house always wins in the end. That's on him.

[GreenEyedMonster]

Maybe look at it like you were fulfilling an emotional need for a while, until he felt that you weren't. His gamblng losses weren't your responsibility, though he unfairly placed them upon you. Maybe you could have validated better, but who knows. He chose to play a game where the house always wins in the end. That's on him.

Turkish is right.  People with Cluster B disorders use outside stimulus to manage their internal state.  Your ex wasn't faking seeming stable -- you were, for a while, the drug that made him feel stable.  The gambling may have further destabilized him, or the positive effects of your relationship wore off.  It is not likely that your ex was consciously faking stability for the first part of the relationship.

[Itstopsnow]

Oh wow, that makes sense. thavks