Phone calls ...still

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Not quite to four years since I filed for divorce, divorced last year.

S and D re in teens and order goes till they finish high school.

In the start of not living together , xh would call both kids and stay on the phone for at least a couple hours a day while kids were with me.  I had printed the phone records to the custody master. Xh phone calls to kids got brought down to three times a day with certain times to call with limits.

Has he followed them... in the beginning , one day yes one day no.

Last couple months he has not. The morning call has been 2 pm , the 4 to 5 o'clock time frame is 6 to 7 and the 9 to 10 ... at 9:55 pm . He will not get off the phone unless I say time to finish up. Mostly to D , S talks him outside the house on his cell phone. 

If I let it go, then it shows I'm ok with with it. if I say via OFW to him, it will trigger him to the PA the kids

if I don't say something I'm not showing a boundry and letting him do what he wants. (like when we were married)

The kids don't mind him talking to him but every call interupts and for me it like he is still there in room with me.  To the point when the kids are with him, I get a break from him , not the kids, I miss them.   (when married , he was jealous of any attention kids had toward me and would cleverly take them away to focus on him, so that hasn't changed)

Saying anything to kids is hopeless as they protect dad.

any suggestions on how for myself to live with it?

[whirlpoollife]

Not quite to four years since I filed for divorce, divorced last year.

S and D re in teens and order goes till they finish high school.

In the start of not living together , xh would call both kids and stay on the phone for at least a couple hours a day while kids were with me.  I had printed the phone records to the custody master. Xh phone calls to kids got brought down to three times a day with certain times to call with limits.

Has he followed them... in the beginning , one day yes one day no.

Last couple months he has not. The morning call has been 2 pm , the 4 to 5 o'clock time frame is 6 to 7 and the 9 to 10 ... at 9:55 pm . He will not get off the phone unless I say time to finish up. Mostly to D , S talks him outside the house on his cell phone. 

If I let it go, then it shows I'm ok with with it. if I say via OFW to him, it will trigger him to the PA the kids

if I don't say something I'm not showing a boundry and letting him do what he wants. (like when we were married)

The kids don't mind him talking to him but every call interupts and for me it like he is still there in room with me.  To the point when the kids are with him, I get a break from him , not the kids, I miss them.   (when married , he was jealous of any attention kids had toward me and would cleverly take them away to focus on him, so that hasn't changed)

Saying anything to kids is hopeless as they protect dad.

any suggestions on how for myself to live with it?

[livednlearned]

What about asking the kids to commit to times during the week when the three of you do something together, when all cell phones go off?

[Ishenuts]

Whirlpoollife - the custody master thought 3 times a day was reasonable? Yikes! That's stalking! Can you get that changed?

Phone calls are a sore spot for me, too. We've been divorced 4 years. Share 50/50 custody. When we first divorced, set a time frame - 8:30 - 9 - for nightly calls. Respecting his time with the kids (2), I would keep the calls brief, usually 5-10 minutes with each. Just enough time to get an update of their days, say "good night and I love you". UNPDexh would tAlk to each for 10-15 minutes. I lived with it.

In 2013 we went to court for a few things he was in contempt for. He lost so he wasn't happy. Also, he had a new lawyer that he hadn't been honest with. She tried to talk down to me and convince me he really only wanted to do what was best for the children. (what he was doing was pure alienation, and he got his hand slapped and paid my legal fees) she must've told him to " appear" more involved. So, immediately afterwards, the morning before school calls started. They weren't long, but "why?". So he could asking how they slept? Tell them to have a good day at school? In mid-2014 they got cell phones, so we would text in the morning, instead. But sometimes he'll do both.

I don't know what should be considered "reasonable access?" When you see your children 50/50, and they do sports that you can attend on the other parent's time, what is reasonable? My children don't mind the calls, but I guess it is the norm for them now. Sometimes I see the eye roll, but they always take his calls... I just find them intrusive. I hope they will get tired of it and tell him themselves.