my sister's meltdowns have taken over my life

[bam91]

hello, this is strange for me to be honest, I have not really talked to anyone about my sister and her BPD except my other sister. Well where to start, well I am the youngest of three sisters, the middle one is the one with BPD. She has never been diagnosed but everything that she does points to it. I just do not know what to do anymore, there are moments where my sister LOVES me and wants to be my best friend and hang out with me and do all this stuff, and then its like someone flips a switch and she is completely different. She is horrible to me, she puts me down, throws things, yells shouts, curses. When ever something goes wrong in her life she blames me, she says that I am a brat and a horrible person. She has no friends, no boyfriend, no one really except for me, my other sister and my parents. She makes me feel bad for having friends and no including her in things, she tells me that I am lazy and that I don't help. She always plays the victim and makes me the bully. I am tired of this, my body is drained, and I just cant take it anymore. I too suffer from depression and anxiety but she ALWAYS compares it, and says that she has a harder life and that her life is terrible and i shouldn't complain. I am sad and overwhelmed. My body is trembling from anxiety because I don't know what she will do next. please someone help.   

[Pina colada]

bam91 sorry you are going through this uBPD sister.  Trust me, most of us get this.  My sister was dBPD and now denies it and says I have BPD.  Um, I was never diagnosed and my therapist says I do not... .They project all their feelings onto others which is why she blames you for all that is wrong in her life.  Read about projection, read about BPD and these threads and you will see you are not alone.  With my sister, when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was awful.  She doesn't fight fair and has no sense of boundaries.  I have had to go NC for my own peace of mind although she decided it is "shunning" her... .ridiculous.  It is not about her but about myself and my family.  I hope you can learn about this awful disease and keep reading here you will learn you are not alone and there are things you can do to protect yourself.  Good luck!

[ineedaconfidant]

Hi bam91,

I see you posted this a couple of months ago, but I'm new to this site and wanted to reach out. I, too, have a sister with dBPD. How is your relationship with your well sister? Are you forced to live with your BPD sister due to age or other circumstances? I relate so well to your comment that "she always plays the victim and makes me the bully." So, So True! BPDs are notoriously manipulative. It's such a difficult situation to interact with a BPD sibling. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I decided to go NC with my sister and it was probably the best decision I ever made. I was constantly walking on eggshells around her and I was always sucked in to her drama. I also suffer from anxiety! (and insomnia and PTSD). Another poster shared this website and it was truly eye opening to me: www.wellsibling.com/?page_id=2

Life gets better. Take care of yourself. You're not a bad person or a bad sister. Your sister is mentally ill. That is not your fault. Feel free to message me if you want to chat!