Multiple recycles?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

After first break-up, when I was discarded, she contacted me again after a few months and I stupidly believed her bs as I didn't know about BPD at the time and thought her craziness was for other reasons.  She was in a dark place when she recycled and I helped her whereby we got back together.  Didn't last long, I was discarded again 5 months ago and it seems she wants nothing to do with me now not that I've tried to get her back or anything similarly stupid.

How many people here have had multiple re-engagement attempts over this kind of time period?  We parted on bad terms.  I'm thinking if I should block her on everything as I have little hope that we could ever end things on "good" terms?

[Stu84]

After first break-up, when I was discarded, she contacted me again after a few months and I stupidly believed her bs as I didn't know about BPD at the time and thought her craziness was for other reasons.  She was in a dark place when she recycled and I helped her whereby we got back together.  Didn't last long, I was discarded again 5 months ago and it seems she wants nothing to do with me now not that I've tried to get her back or anything similarly stupid.

How many people here have had multiple re-engagement attempts over this kind of time period?  We parted on bad terms.  I'm thinking if I should block her on everything as I have little hope that we could ever end things on "good" terms?

[hopealways]

I lost count, but I was recycled 20+ times over 3 years.  Each time we broke up faster and faster, by the end it was a break up once a week.  Our love can never be stronger than the disorder, just accept that. It's not you.

[blackbirdsong]

I lost count, but I was recycled 20+ times over 3 years.  Each time we broke up faster and faster, by the end it was a break up once a week.  Our love can never be stronger than the disorder, just accept that. It's not you.

Did you ever initiate the breakup?

[hopealways]

Only once. All the other times it was her raging out of control then leaving and giving me the silent treatment until she decided to come back.

[.cup.car]

How many people here have had multiple re-engagement attempts over this kind of time period? 

Multiple recycle attempts are common. Mine showed up four years in a row during the first week of July. Twice to try and get back together, twice to aimlessly bicker.

I crunched the numbers because statistics can be fun, and it appeared that the numerous drag racing advertisements on the radio & TV triggered her into contacting me. 2015 marked the first time in six years that I hadn't heard from her during the first week of July. She was impatient and showed up in April instead.

[Stu84]

Cup.car that is so strange!  I've seen no such "patterns" as such.  I think I was her longest ever relationship which wasn't really that long; two years with a break in between.  I find the whole thing so painful - another attempt would trash me, mostly because I still miss the good times, getting engaged etc.  I think she's got another guy now, had her tits done, off drugs so I guess I shouldn't need to worry.  Feel like ___ today.

[once removed]

hey stu84 

relationship recycling is very common, and thats not limited to relationships involving a person with BPD. 62% of relationships recycle, and there can certainly be valid reasons. recycling is also not something someone can do to us; by definition it requires the consent of both parties involved. whatever her actions may or may not be, you have a say if she chooses to reach out. have you thought about how youd respond? do you want to give the relationship another shot?

we have more information about relationship recycling here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95860.0

[Stu84]

I understand that recycling takes two.  I feel like I've perhaps played the victim to some degree with my indignation that she "recycled" me and promised x,y and z and then didn't come good on her word.  Initially, it was only guilt that led me to reply to her reaching out - overwhelming guilt that if I didn't help her get to rehab, she'd die.  I think she played on it somewhat and asked me "if I prove to be a good honest person, would you take me back?" - this I think is where I have to take responsibility for my part in the recycle as this is where I replied "maybe".  It didn't take much time after this for the demands to come rolling in along with the blaming.  Where's I thought/hoped I'd get compassion and an apology (not to mention a thank you) I got these other traits.  The problem is, I still hold out for the validations, the apology which is why I'm having trouble detaching and maybe subconsciously holding on to the chance that she'll reconnect as I begged her for closure and she never gave me any.  HOWEVER, I think this is more about my ego; I think wanting an apology is an egotistical human trait common to many of us to protect our fragile sense of self perhaps?

[hurting300]

Does it matter if she has BPD or not? I dated perfectly sane woman who would discard people and not treat them right. I think a lot of us rely to much on labels to make ourselves feel better. If someone don't even have that much respect for your feelings does it matter they are a jerk or disordered?

[hopealways]

Does it matter if she has BPD or not? I dated perfectly sane woman who would discard people and not treat them right. I think a lot of us rely to much on labels to make ourselves feel better. If someone don't even have that much respect for your feelings does it matter they are a jerk or disordered?

Totally agree with you.

[TheCodependent1]

With regard to being recycled, or recycling efforts of an exBPD, does it matter if it was the person with BPD who left the relationship?

[HarleypsychRN]

  Our love can never be stronger than the disorder, just accept that.

Profound and I'm afraid true. Thanks for that pearl of wisdom.

[GottaMoveOn]

So many recycles in a year. They are now dating a lot, and bragging about how many dates they have in a week. I've heard it before, am happy they are dating and looking for "the one" (wasn't me, never will be); not sure if I should maintain contact (well, that's not true - I know I shouldn't, but am hopeful we can be friends in some capacity).

I can see them sabotaging this though, or already doing the whole "everyone I've gone on a date with seems intimidated by me afterward;" implying they are too amazing. *eye roll*