Holidays When you are no contact

[Starting_Over]

I am fairly new to being no contact with my father, so far my husband have survived Thanksgiving  and Christmas without seeing my father. It was difficult, because I have had to limit how often i see my cousins, aunts and uncles. Anytime we have been invited to a family get together it has ended in an awkward conversation regarding whether my dad would be there or not.  My dad's sister is involved in the toxicity so I avoid discussing that with her, but my mom's family dislikes my dad so I am more comfortable asking them.

Does anyone else here have any experience navigating the holidays during no contact? Did you build your own holiday traditions with your SO, or did you find a group of friends who also avoiding family?

[HappyChappy]

Hi Starting_over,

Holidays are tough as they present a lot of triggers. One approach is to go away and do something that wouldn’t create triggers. So we went skiing at Christmas, worked a treat.  I’ve been NC for several years and it does get much easier. Fist 6 months was the toughest.

How is your recovery going ? 

[Starting_Over]

My recovery is going well, I am in weekly therapy, and I to continue going as long as I can afford it. Unfortunately, I do have larger issues then what can be fixed quickly. I don't know if you read my first post, but I have avoidant and dependent traits so my husband and I cut most of our 'support network' ( it wasn't actually supportive) when I went no contact. My mom and sister would not acknowledge my issues when I told them, but I think that if they acknowledged it then they would have to acknowledge that the whole family is toxic.  My mom actually tried to blame my issues on a vaccine that I actually didn't get ( in a semi-public email)... .it was quite touching.

My husband and are planning on having our our own Easter dinner, but I am scared/sad that we will never have anyone outside of our family unit to celebrate holidays with.

[Bright Day Mom]

I can absolutely relate.  This past year has been a tough one on our family. Our BPDD had a long hospital stay, which included Christmas, New Years and her 16th b-day.  We made the best of the situation and made dinner reservations with inlaws to a restaurant near hospital so our family could play Santa for the unit Christmas Eve, visit our daughter and then have a late dinner.  Christmas Day we had home and then visited the hospital. 

For Easter, our d is in residential placement so we have a  6 hr pass... .we are going to dinner and movie.   

Make new traditions for you and your hubby.  You may want to look into volunteering your time to serve the truly less fortunate. We've done that in the past and it makes you feel so good to give.

[Starting_Over]

We are planning our own meals.  It just seems like less of a big deal with just the two of us. I am not sure I am bothered by this, because family meals always included my dad picking at me and putting me down. For example, ever since I was a child there were certain foods that I could not eat because he would tell and say I ate it all. Even as am adult he would announce that there was a special wine, or food, that everyone could have except for me.