Just joined

[Mamamidge]

Hi all. My husband walked out on me and my kids about six weeks ago. He got drunk and stumbled with our son in his arms and the little guy bonked his head. The next day I woke up to a mile of texts about how toxic our household is and how we dismiss him and that he is ignored and has to shout to be heard. After a week of crazy spending and boozing I got him to agree to counseling. Our therapist has told me that he is trying to discern to what extent a personality disorder exists with him on top of attachment issues. I am struggling with counseling right now. I have been doing a lot of reading and research on BPD and am trying to cultivate some of the skills on this website. I've been do ing a lot of enabling over the years trying to protect our kids. I'm hopeful we can work it out but I'm not having much success. His memories of our interactions are so distorted whether from booze or a personality disorder or both. I've joined this group because many of his behaviors seem too similar to be coincidental. hard to hear what he has to say let alone validate it. He seems completely assured that he's coming back but although I love him I can't handle the rage, the spending, the projection, the helplessness, the negativity... .the list goes on. Looking forward to learning from all of you.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Circle]

Hi, welcome to bpdfamily! Sounds like you are doing all of the right things, reading and studying the tools. Keep sharing. I find the most useful thing, is to read other people's threads and gain insight from what they and others are saying, while contributing. Sometimes, you post and don't get much of a response. That's why I find it more helpful to join in with other's posts. Plus, reading what others are going through, is a huge reminder that our own experiences are real and valid. Take care. I wish for you the strength and courage to accomplish what you need to, in your situation with the BPD person in your life.

[livednlearned]

Hi Mamamidge,

I'm glad you found the site and sorry for the sadness that brings you here. This is a supportive community of people who have walked in your shoes, and will walk alongside you as you become emotionally resilient. 

Getting a diagnosis nailed down can bring some relief, however, it's also not uncommon that an official one never comes. What matters is how well you learn to take care of yourself and your kids while mitigating the conflict and effects of the mental illness as best you can.

I understand the tendency to enable and appease to protect the kids. It sounds like you know that enabling has limited short-term effect (if any) and potentially disastrous long-term effects.

How old are your kids? Do they know their dad is alcoholic? What is their relationship with their dad like?

Once you get yourself into a place of emotional strength, it gets easier to not take some of the behaviors personally. And learning to set boundaries can help protect yourself from some of the more impulsive and damaging actions, like spending too much, drinking too much.

We're here for you. You're not alone 

LnL