break up

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I struggled with selecting the relationship is over, or trying to regain the break up. I know it is in my best interest to stay apart this time, but it is so hard. His being in the idealization phase was YES definitely great. I being an introvert with lower self esteem from my childhood helped draw us together for what seemed like quick bonding. I loved all the attention of course like everyone else that has been idealized, but to me, it was more than that. I liked so many things about him. I loved riding dirt bikes with him, or mountain biking, or even just watching tv together. I liked his will to study anything that intrigued a spark of wanting to learn about the subject( such as plumbing, or his favorite hobby). I liked the way he danced and sang and his sense of humor most days. I loved his kind nature and willingness to help around here even though I never asked him to. I loved that he held my hand while watching movies, or riding in the car. Was any of the attention real? Did he ever want to say I love you when he said it? Did he always get the pleasure of dominating and control during love making, or was he at all capable of having an emotion of bonding love toward me at all? I struggle to know if any of the relationship was real.  How can I be so in love with someone who hates the idea of me, but always pretends to feel remorse and wants me back after every month of a split? He seems to really hate me now and blocked me from phone and facebook. Now that I know him and the masks are off, he just cant stand it. I walked on eggshells trying not to disrupt a good month for almost 2 years. I've never shown anyone extreme patience like I did for him. I always gave him compliments and tried to pick him up. A lot of Borderline videos on U tube recorded by B P D's suggest that they do not want you to leave them when they devalue you. The say to hug them and tell them it will be ok and that you are not leaving. They say to validate their feelings, But my ex does not ever let me do that. If I were to try to go to him, I would be ridiculed and dismissed. In the first several months, this would last 2-3 days, but in the following months would get longer. He took a month away from me in Dec., and Feb., and now April. I do love him and do not want him to struggle inside of his head. But if he doesn't really know what love is, how could this break even bother him at all? He should be feeling great right now, not having to prove anything to me, or my family( not that we expected him to). I am just really at odds with knowing where to turn right now. I have lost my best friend, lover, and confidant.

[dollface]

I struggled with selecting the relationship is over, or trying to regain the break up. I know it is in my best interest to stay apart this time, but it is so hard. His being in the idealization phase was YES definitely great. I being an introvert with lower self esteem from my childhood helped draw us together for what seemed like quick bonding. I loved all the attention of course like everyone else that has been idealized, but to me, it was more than that. I liked so many things about him. I loved riding dirt bikes with him, or mountain biking, or even just watching tv together. I liked his will to study anything that intrigued a spark of wanting to learn about the subject( such as plumbing, or his favorite hobby). I liked the way he danced and sang and his sense of humor most days. I loved his kind nature and willingness to help around here even though I never asked him to. I loved that he held my hand while watching movies, or riding in the car. Was any of the attention real? Did he ever want to say I love you when he said it? Did he always get the pleasure of dominating and control during love making, or was he at all capable of having an emotion of bonding love toward me at all? I struggle to know if any of the relationship was real.  How can I be so in love with someone who hates the idea of me, but always pretends to feel remorse and wants me back after every month of a split? He seems to really hate me now and blocked me from phone and facebook. Now that I know him and the masks are off, he just cant stand it. I walked on eggshells trying not to disrupt a good month for almost 2 years. I've never shown anyone extreme patience like I did for him. I always gave him compliments and tried to pick him up. A lot of Borderline videos on U tube recorded by B P D's suggest that they do not want you to leave them when they devalue you. The say to hug them and tell them it will be ok and that you are not leaving. They say to validate their feelings, But my ex does not ever let me do that. If I were to try to go to him, I would be ridiculed and dismissed. In the first several months, this would last 2-3 days, but in the following months would get longer. He took a month away from me in Dec., and Feb., and now April. I do love him and do not want him to struggle inside of his head. But if he doesn't really know what love is, how could this break even bother him at all? He should be feeling great right now, not having to prove anything to me, or my family( not that we expected him to). I am just really at odds with knowing where to turn right now. I have lost my best friend, lover, and confidant.

[once removed]

hi dollface and

I struggle to know if any of the relationship was real. 

i think many of us struggle with this. the truth is, yes your relationship was real; all of it. the good and the bad. you were there, you experienced it (perhaps differently than he did), it happened. it helped things sink in for me when i realized that all of it, the good and the bad, were simply not sustainable, for a variety of reasons. it also helped me not to separate the good from the bad. all of it was real.

are you looking to reconcile the relationship or leave?

ps. tread lightly watching youtube videos. BPD is a spectrum disorder, and someone on the internet claiming to have borderline personality disorder can only share their limited perspective that may or may not apply to the person youre describing.