This is driving me mad -I don't understand what he has to do to make me move on
He has not got to do anything to make you move on. The only one that can make you move on are you.
-even now I found he is seeing someone -it is not enough to make me let go -I just keep thinking that he is using her to get over me-so it gives me hope as I think he still feels for me -I keep going over the reasons he gave for splitting -it is driving me mad-and when friends say he still loves me -It is just so hard----
You don't know why he is with her but probably for the same reason he was with you. You don't know he is using her to get over you. Was he using you to get over the girl before you?
I just cannot accept what has happened and I don't want too. I don't want to be with anyone else -I just want him to apologize and try again.
And that's why you cannot move on. Because you don't want to.
You cannot force him to do anything. Perhaps you can manipulate him in trying to recycle you but a relationship based on manipulation isn't going to work and relationships with pwBPD don't work anyway. The next recycle will just be a shorter more painful version of what you already had without the highest highs because it never gets as good as it was. So by a recycle you're just putting off where you are now to somewhere in the future with more damage done. But it's your choice.
Is it because he owes me money that I cannot detach as he communicates with me about that -I need the money Im a single female saving for a deposit for mortgage -is victim mode keeping me trapped? How can I let go of the money? I think it's because I lost £700 on a flight to Brazil -he went into a meltdown when I booked it to go with band to carnival -I didn't go in the end -so why should I loose more money-im mad at myself
I hope this is a stage to pass through -I have detached more before but it is so frustrating and exhausting to keep getting so obsessed by it
I posted on saving about denial and empathy -am I in denial -should I stop analysing and trying to find hope and empathy?
I think I need to focus on self again more
Yes, you need to focus on you. No, it's not about the money. It's because you're addicted. Breaking up with a pwBPD is like coming off drugs. You're a junkie and you want your fix.
my biggest fear is meeting someone else and him coming back to me -I just cannot imagine finding anyone I feel the same about -I know it sounds teenage and stupid but I just cannot
So your biggest fear isn't meeting someone else, your biggest fear is never finding someone you feel the same high for.
I understand. I feel the same. Rationally I knew I am not supposed to look for another love with these highs I just didn't feel it yet. But last night it hit me. The lows can only get so so so low because the highs are that high... .So if I don't want those lows I need to avoid the highs too...
Think my age is making it more difficult as I feel pressure to find someone else even though not fully ready -or maybe I should date maybe best cure?
If you're a codependent, and you might be, the next one will also be someone with a PD unless you work on the codependency first. Trust me, I haven't and I have gone from one nightmare to the next.
A relationship should NEVER be a cure or a flight.
I just cannot get over how open I was with him about wanting kids and proper relationship and he went along with it and made me promise I wouldn't have kids with anyone else
Forget about this promise. He probably made you a lot of promises too.
-then this happens -I don't think the brain is capable of dealing with it -I wish I did have a kid by him at least I would have got something tangible out of the relationship and he would be forced to make change (even though logically I know that is wrong and would be so difficult)
In the beginning I wished this too. Or part of me did. Not my sensible part though. For ever linked to someone who can and will never change, who will make my life all about him if not simply hell and a child 'blessed' with his genes to boot? No thanks.
Read the posts from the ones who do have kids with their BPD exes. For some it is just 'so difficult' for others it is shear hell. Not to mention what the children have to go through. You would want a happy healthy child not one that has to live with an enormous burden.
