?

[secondhand]

I don't know how to even start this because I'm not usually used to this sort of thing. My significant other has BPD and it's very hard dealing with this type of thing. We get into fights and sometimes she'll end up saying cruel things to me but I understand her situation and that she can't really help it and she's just lashing out at me. I just recently discovered  things that are making me question everything though. I think she might have dissociative identity disorder. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do because it's putting my friendships in jeopardy. I feel so helpless and I don't even know what to do. Anyone with advise willing to help me out would be really appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sunfl0wer]

Hi secondhand,

I want to welcome you to this site! 

BPD and personality disorders are very confusing to try to figure out and even the best of us often cannot make sense of many things our SO do or say.  However, we are here to help you learn and navigate things best we can and this is an excellent safe place.  Keep sharing and keep posting!

Can you tell us more about this relationship?  Are there kids involved?  Do you two live together? 

Who is your current support system?  Family, friends, etc?

Has something occurred recently that has you more concerned?

[secondhand]

Thank you for welcoming me to this site i was a bit hesitant at first because I like when people interact incarnate but i decided to give this a try and my partner urged me to. I have been in a 5 year relationship with her but there are no kids involved. We are supposed to move in together this coming summer because i just graduated college! As of current i have no support system we've just been dealing with this together. She first told me she was convinced she had BPD because all the traits matched about 4-5 months ago. We always knew something was wrong because of how she reacted to certain things and how when we would get into arguments they would become this huge thing and the things she would say to me! She was sexually harassed at the age of 9 by the husband of the woman who babysit her! she told me that it happened on many occasions! About a year ago my best friend met this girl online whom he had never met or seen but they constantly text and apparently he talked to her over the phone but he said her voice was weird! Him having met this girl prompted him to end his relationship because he saw what he was missing in his life i guess. he met a girl who shared the same musical taste as him and spiritual beliefs and everything else. it was almost as though he met himself in a girl version so to speak. He started falling for her and she claimed she was falling for him! During all this time he decided to involve my girlfriend and tell her everything this girl said and did. now granted she also had a part to play in the blame because she decided to be nosy and keep asking questions even after i told her not to involve herself in that! One day apparently my gf told me and my best friend that she met the sister of the girl my best friend was talking to and she described her and said that she was with a male companion. About four months later everything came to light that this girl he was talking to was a catfish and she never really existed and out of nowhere she stopped texting him when he started questioning her! he was in contact with her, her sister and their best friend who was a 'psychic'. they all just vanished in mid air! my best friend then started doing research to try and find out who that person was and found that the ip address of that girl was 45 mins away from where my girlfriend lives even though the girl he talked to said she was from new york so that did not make any sense as to why she would have an ip address 45 mins from where my girlfriend lived! when he confronted my girlfriend she broke down crying in disbelief because she couldn't believe that someone so close to her would accuse her of such a thing and she was really hurt by it! But here's the thing though we have all been sitting next to each other while my best friend would text this girl he met online, so does that mean that my gf had someone else in on this? and my best friend claims to have more proof as to why he's convinced it's her. I don't know what to think anymore because I love my girlfriend with every inch of my being and i want to marry her because we've always talked about marriage and kids down the road but if i'm also questioning things does that mean that i do not trust her enough in the first place? my mind is everywhere at this moment and i know at the end of this I will get hurt.

[an0ught]

Hi secondhand,

that sounds really like a big drama! IP addresses are a useful indicator where someone is coming from but ip location services are far from reliable. While pwBPD tend to warp reality a long term deception involving planning is not really typical. The truth will be hard to figure out if at all. Certainly not while emotions are running hot. Being deceived in such a way is certainly hugely upsetting. Being accused of such deception is certainly also hugely upsetting (and in this case upset is multiplied by BPD). Not an easy situation for anyone to handle!

Drama is common in BPD relationships as the b/w thinking and acting tends to feed it. Communication quickly breaks down. You feel you are in the middle of the two and have to control the situation. You can't and if you try chances are you just make it worse. Read up on the Karpman triangle.

,

a0