Hello. I've posted here before, but something just happened which I feel like I can't fully recover from.
My uBPDex and I have had a very tumultuous relationship and we have been off and on for a long while. I just recently found out from him that he had had unprotected sex while we were apart. He got blood testing a month later for it and there were no positive results, however he said he has just not felt the same. I actually did not have sex with him, but just performed oral. I feel dirty. He told me this and expressed how remorseful he felt and I truly believe him. I have never had sex with him because he has issues in that department. Any sexual encounter he has had has been not out of love and an instant regret for him. But, this doesn't mean that I am not feeling hurt and betrayed. I looked into testing, but there aren't a lot of options for throat. I'm just afraid it will be HPV or something.
Sorry for the rambling, just needed to get this out somewhere because I am too humiliated to talk to anyone in person.
You can have your throat tested for several things. And you need to have this done. Go see your GP or a specialized clinic.
Make sure you don't have unprotected sex again. Especially with your ex. A pwBPD can tell lies quite easily about what they have done how with whom... .
His actions count more than his words and despite his regrets if he has BPD the chances of him never cheating on you again (if you let yourself be recycled) are 0.
Take care of yourself.
