How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings

[Nester]

I'm having some painful abandonment feelings about my gfwBPD. We had a wonderful day together on Friday, and I felt very loved and supported. Now it's Sunday night, and I just feel abandoned and afraid that she doesn't love me any more. I don't have any reason for feeling this--it's absolutely my issue--but it's very forefront in my mind, and it hurts pretty bad.

I also had surgery this past week, so I'm laying around the house, unable to do anything. I usually deal with these feelings by being active, but I'm too weak and tired to do much (from the surgery, and the pain meds). I've been in and out of bed all day, which I hate, but when I'm healing, my body will suddenly get really tired, and I can barely make it to bed before I fall asleep.

I wish I could stop feeling like she just broke up with me, when we actually had a great time together, and have another date next week. Even if I know my feelings aren't based on any evidence, it still really hurts to have them.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[atomic popsicles]

I can imagine how you feel. My husband will be so wonderful for 2 or 3 days then withdraw. Very consistent cycle. I COMPLETELY have abandonment issues, too.

He gets very very frustrated dealing with my issues. He sometimes says its because I'm not fulfilled in our relationship... .whatever. He really is getting upset about my insecurity over this (I am working on it), but he causes the insecurity!

Anyway. I just wanted to say I understand. I hope you feel better from your surgery.

[an0ught]

Hi Nester,

 I suspect you are not alone here in dealing with this. The behavior (repeatedly leaving or threatening to leave or silent treatment) of a pwBPD can lead to us developing abandonment issues. There is also the aspect of intermittent reinforcement that wrecks havoc with our ability to stay level.

It is good that you realize you have them and are writing here as this is one way processing it. Tackling your abandonment would be a good thing as your abandonment issues make you fearful that is not a good thing when dealing with a pwBPD. Fear tends to be sensed (and misinterpreted) or transferred. Abandonment issues also get into our way being strict about boundaries.

Maintaining other social contacts can help somewhat. Could you now schedule something straight after the next time you will be "abandoned"?