Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
July 06, 2024, 06:10:24 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings (Read 355 times)
Nester
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 17
How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings
«
on:
April 17, 2016, 06:36:47 PM »
I'm having some painful abandonment feelings about my gfwBPD. We had a wonderful day together on Friday, and I felt very loved and supported. Now it's Sunday night, and I just feel abandoned and afraid that she doesn't love me any more. I don't have any reason for feeling this--it's absolutely my issue--but it's very forefront in my mind, and it hurts pretty bad.
I also had surgery this past week, so I'm laying around the house, unable to do anything. I usually deal with these feelings by being active, but I'm too weak and tired to do much (from the surgery, and the pain meds). I've been in and out of bed all day, which I hate, but when I'm healing, my body will suddenly get really tired, and I can barely make it to bed before I fall asleep.
I wish I could stop feeling like she just broke up with me, when we actually had a great time together, and have another date next week. Even if I know my feelings aren't based on any evidence, it still really hurts to have them.
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
atomic popsicles
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 137
Re: How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings
«
Reply #1 on:
April 20, 2016, 09:39:39 PM »
I can imagine how you feel. My husband will be so wonderful for 2 or 3 days then withdraw. Very consistent cycle. I COMPLETELY have abandonment issues, too.
He gets very very frustrated dealing with my issues. He sometimes says its because I'm not fulfilled in our relationship... .whatever. He really is getting upset about my insecurity over this (I am working on it), but he causes the insecurity!
Anyway. I just wanted to say I understand. I hope you feel better from your surgery.
Logged
an0ught
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048
Re: How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings
«
Reply #2 on:
April 24, 2016, 06:00:01 AM »
Hi Nester,
I suspect you are not alone here in dealing with this. The behavior (repeatedly leaving or threatening to leave or silent treatment) of a pwBPD can lead to us developing abandonment issues. There is also the aspect of intermittent reinforcement that wrecks havoc with our ability to stay level.
It is good that you realize you have them and are writing here as this is one way processing it. Tackling your abandonment would be a good thing as your abandonment issues make you fearful that is not a good thing when dealing with a pwBPD. Fear tends to be sensed (and misinterpreted) or transferred. Abandonment issues also get into our way being strict about boundaries.
Maintaining other social contacts can help somewhat. Could you now schedule something straight after the next time you will be "abandoned"?
Logged
Writing is self validation. Writing on bpdfamily is self validation squared!
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
How to Deal with Abandonment Feelings
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...