I don't know why, I re-activated my FB account and had a look at my replacements page (ex is private, his is public) sure enough, new pics of them together... .what the heck was I thinking!
I KNOW she is likely a pwBPD, I KNOW she is only following in the footsteps of many before her, I KNOW what I did was unhealthy... .It's just a testament to how warped our self-esteem is after one of these breakups that we consider hurting ourselves like this.
I think it was because today I was struggling with the fact that I was carrying around the burden of our failed marriage, knowing she is not thinking about me for one second and letting negative thoughts invade my work, my free time, even my sacred ritual of reading the news on the toilet... .how dare she!
Positives from tonight that I'm proud of myself for
1. I was able to 100% confirm she is with my replacement who she initially lied and said was a gay friend when we were still together. I know she at least emotionally cheated and I can stop second-guessing myself on that front.
2. I started typing an email to her asking WHY she lied and saw someone behind my back (we both talked about cheating being the ultimate betrayal). I managed to delete it before I hit send and called my friend and then sister to talk about how silly I had been.
Guys I'm getting to the point where my analyzing is getting unhealthy. Time to move on. What she thinks/does/feels all doesn't matter now. I feel really silly for my actions but I'm glad I didn't break NC (2 weeks strong) in a low moment.
Please learn from my mistake tonight. Don't FB stalk NOTHING good comes from it, it's just an invite for 1 to the pity party.
You are right, nothing good comes with it.
Hang in there Ahoy, her life is not worth knowing about and keep NC.
A lot of the things they do to us make us want to reach out, I also had to control myself from going out of NC because of what I found out too. If you follow my story, my ex is a nightmare to know about.
I made a similar mistake once. I went to my replacements fb profile as well one month ago and read a comment on her only display picture my ex commented on saying she would "10/10 would bang" my replacement. I already knew they have been seeing each other sexually and it was only a reminder to myself that my ex lied to me that she would only be grieving and contacting me in a month's time when really she was now dating her friend instead. She said she would never go there. All it ever did was remind myself she lied to me, but I already knew she could not be trusted and don't need to keep reaffirming and torturing myself that she is just no good to me and hope that one day I get a real apology, regret what she did to me or realises what she lost when she had me.
I have a friend who checks social media for me, to cut my habit of typing on the search bar and relying on the friend to give me the news. I am not sure if I would recommend this to you but it is helping me for now.
I only want to hear if it is bad news and when she is miserable... I know, a bit immature to keep tabs in this way but it is better than what I was doing before and I have less anxiety now, and no more shock because I am not checking on her myself.
My ex lied about my replacement as well, talked poorly about her physical appearance and personality, but as soon as we broke up they hooked up. That's what they do and it's more to do with them and not you. I don't think it's unhealthy to analyze things as long as you're reaching a conclusion and move forward with it. I'm one of those people that has to ruminate about things until I can't anymore and then I'm done. I never think about it again and I can breathe again. I can move forward and provide myself my own closure.
They say anything don't they? While my ex was lining up her replacement she also told me how repulsive the girl was yet they still hook up to this day... Makes me think you can't really go on everything they say... and just rely only on their actions.
Their actions also do not reflect upon you. My ex I know, always blames me and I make her do the things she does.
They cannot be accountable so there is no use telling them what they do is wrong. All it will do is make them angry and upset to know that you know and hate themselves more. Deep down they know what is right and wrong. To her, I made her yell, I made her cheat and then I made her push me away and leave me.
