I don't know that it's so clear that we/you are not accepting who they "are." Who they are is super confusing. Isn't that part of the problem? Often folks wBPD are masters at mixed messages. My ex tells women exactly what they want to hear in their heart of hearts.
Yes, there is that aspect "No stable sense of self" about BPD.
My stbexw wasn't THAT bad or that manipulative... .but there was powerful aspect of it--she was so good at connecting to people, bringing them out, connecting to them upon meeting them. By morphing herself into somebody who was like them or compatible with them. She knows and acknowledges it, even considers it a good thing.
But the flipside of it is that for her, it is very expensive--she gets emotionally exhausted by doing it and needs to get away to recover and rebuild her energy.
The net result is that if you are that chameleon who morphs completely based on who you are with, the shapeshifter is the part which is "real", not any of the colors and shapes you take. Confusing as heck if you stick around long enough to see the pattern!
