Indirect Threat

[Sunfl0wer]

So today at work, I was indirectly threatened by a client's family member.

He clearly is a military Veteran, likely has PTSD, likely was triggered by myself in some way that I am not aware of.  I am understanding that he is preparing to undergo surgery for an organ transplant and his daughter will be the donor.  He also has several other significant life stresses that I am aware of.

When I got home today, I was prepared to continue keeping his wife as a client. However, after processing the situation in its entirety with my son, I have decided to remove myself from this case.

To be clear, what happened was he became clearly agitated at me with little/no discernible provocation, and asked me, "do you know what a shot gun is... ." He went on to describe actions of shooting,describing the spray of the shot, etc.  it was clearly an act of posturing his gun skills, questioning mine, and intimidating me with his info, while illustrating his frustration towards me.  His wife/my client whispered to me to be still and just wait it out (for my safety.)  I contemplated leaving, but processed that continuing my role and pretending I did not recognize the threat, was actually safer than excusing myself and leaving sooner.

This is quite upsetting to me... .TO SAY THE VERY LEAST! I already have my own anxieties in regards to some matters I am coping with atm!  (To be very selfish... .I DO NOT want to deal with anyone else's s*it and just want some peace!)

Ok, so I am proud that I spent a good chunk of this evening reevaluating what I could have done better.  I am pleased and content with this result and while I mostly did great, there were a few things for me to improve that I recognize.

Anyway... .

Idk my point.  Just looking for general thoughts... .support, etc?

[joeramabeme]

Hi SF,

When I got home today, I was prepared to continue keeping his wife as a client. However, after processing the situation in its entirety with my son, I have decided to remove myself from this case.

IMO, good choice!  Passive threats should be treated as threats.  Understandable the guy is stressed but he is in no position to intimidate others when he is so needy.  

I think you are doing real good right where you went to with this.  Now, realize, you were just the unfortunate person that this happened to.  There is nothing personal in it for you - could have easily been someone else - and now, it will be and perhaps it is worth saying something to your supervisor so that the next person can proactively address the situation.

JRB

[Sunfl0wer]

Thnk you JRB,

To be honest, as I considered all possibilities, I was really wanting to excuse myself without being clear about my concerns to the company.  Apparently I am a bit self conscious about these things tending to happen more with myself than others in my position.  Partly that is because when dynamics at work are tricky, I get assigned.  Also because as I am trying to do a thorough job, I was including the husband (as I am supposed to, by simply asking him for a phone number I needed) whereas many others likely would ignore this necessary aspect.

I do not like at all for it to be "on record" that I have stated that I fear a situation and my safety.  I certainly do not like that this has not been the first time.  Thank you for stating it is not personal. I imagine part of me posted for validation for that fact, simply because it does feel like, and is joked a bit about (at work), that this kind of thing "always happens" to ME!

Yea, a bit embarassing... .

My original thought process out loud to my son was... .

Me: Yea, well, I'm going to continue because it was likely an odd one off thing, the poor guy is clearly stressed and has a lot going on, he probably may not even recall the incident as he seemed that stressed, etc.  

Son: NO way that is a good decision!  You already identified the guys as not stable, you being a trigger in some way that you DO NOT even know about to not do it again.  Let's review now all the ways that you are at a huge saftey disadvantage in this specific environment to protect yourself if he did escalate one more step farther. (We reviewed, WOW, I did not think of that at all)

Me: Well, I can only imagine that as his surgery approaches, he likely is going to continue to be in anxious, easily provoked state, I can see where going can be a bad idea.

So yea, kinda odd still my instinct in some way is to minimize perceptions of danger to "not appear crazy" to be pointing them out, and to "not rock the boat" of things and feel like my experience is causing others stress who will have to process the incident.  (To me, what happens after, also feels unsafe and I want to minimize and get away and forget it.)

Oh well, I guess I can be grateful that I am not alone in my thoughts.

[Ulysses]

Hi Sunflower.  I too agree with the comment that it's not personal. 

So yea, kinda odd still my instinct in some way is to minimize perceptions of danger to "not appear crazy" to be pointing them out, and to "not rock the boat"

I also have this after over two decades with my exH.  I remember before I got married my mother told me to listen to my instincts, always, and that women are often talked out of that (I imagine it happens to men, too).  She's also mentioned over the years the history of women being deemed insane and locked away, when they weren't.  So as I type this it makes her sound loopy, but at the time we were having conversations about instincts, women's rights, the long way women have come in our country from my grandmother's day, etc.

So, I'm still trying to figure out if I too minimized my perceptions when I met my exH.  I know I did by the end of our marriage, and probably most of the time during it.  Trying to figure out why, and not be afraid to firmly but politely trust my gut again.

Take care of yourself.

[Sunfl0wer]

Trying to figure out why, and not be afraid to firmly but politely trust my gut again.

Idk, other than - it is a coping mechanism.

I think many of us have a history of having had to endure things that seemed unreal, so to make sense, our minds decided declaring it less real, less severe in some way was what we felt necessary to survive.

------------

Update:

I had to face reporting this to several yesterday.

I was truly partly fearful that I would not be believed and would have to convince someone and plead a case about it... .to get someone to understand why the situation made me uncomfortable.  Being the threat was veiled, I thought the context of the moment and such would be easily lost.

What shocked me was, everyone I was supposed to report to about it, actually was more understanding toward me than I was to myself.  They did not toss around any ideas of me revisiting this situation at all.  Well, one lady was clearly panicked FOR me and this was annoying because SHE felt unsafe and kept messing with my facts in her hysteria. Apparently there was a history with this man of similar such behavior that she was aware about.  I wanted to tell her I would finish my report to her when she calmed down, but I didn't.  I just had to keep correcting her, ugh!

Feeling relieved!