Son's mother is sick again.

[JerryRG]

My son's mother just sent this text... .

Well I need to sleep, if I'm still yucky tomorrow by noon I'm suppose to go up here and see the doc but u know me... .I hate being away from J so for me to be admitted to a hospital is pretty hard. I keep praying that my body will fight whatever it is off while I'm getting rest. I'm shaking uncontrollably I'm assuming that comes with anemia... .but r u all going to church tomorrow or no?

I think she's trying to manipulate me into keeping my son longer, which is ok. If she just had the capacity to be honest.

[C.Stein]

Looks more like she is looking for sympathy and attention to me. 

[sweet tooth]

My opinion: Don't believe a word she says regarding illnesses. Have you ever heard of "Fictitious Disorder," formerly known as Munchauser's Syndrome? It's a disorder where people fake or exaggerate illnesses to get attention. My ex-BPD ALWAYS had some kind of an ailment: Her thyroid, her knee, some kind of a nasty cold, etc. She would get her thyroid checked and they told her everything was fine! She'd even drag her kid into it! The kid came home with a few bruises and she went to the doctor to make sure the ex-husband didn't hit the kid! These people love attention; they will do anything to get it.

[steelwork]

I think she's trying to manipulate me into keeping my son longer, which is ok. If she just had the capacity to be honest.

Hey Jerry,

I just want to say that you did a good job evaluating the situation and putting it in perspective. She's not capable of being honest. And honestly, who cares why she's trying to manipulate you? What matters is your son, and you are fine with keeping him longer.

Question: have you found the parenting board helpful?

[JerryRG]

Thanks C. Stein, sweet tooth, steelwork

Yes she cannot tell the truth and I accept that is the reality. She will change when and if she decides. I had a great night and morning with my son and I will keep him in my care as often and however long I am allowed. He's a beautiful child and I'm so blessed to have him in my life. Now that I've detached from his mother more, (not completely) I have the energy to put into caring for him and myself. My BPDgf was a full time job and caring for my son at the same time. I am proud of myself for working so diligently to heal myself both from this horrible relationship and taking care of my son plus dealing with my chemo.

I truly am one blessed man.

She sent me this text an hour ago

What do u plan to do today? Jw so I can have an alarm set for whenever u wanted to bring him home... .I think all this sleep is helping me fight off whatever it ris cuz my lymph nodes are starting to go down a little bit.

---------------

I have no idea what's going on in her head and yes i've heard of people who use medical excuses to get attention. I would not dought she starts using our son as a means to get attention eventually.

[C.Stein]

Take care of yourself and your son Jerry, that is the only thing that matters now.   

[JerryRG]

Thanks C. Stein

You are right, it's him and me now

[Herodias]

It is about attention, excuses and possible lies. Awful... , are you giving her sympathy? Remember to use gray rock technique so that it doesn't continue to be a habit. I would tell her it sounds awful- she should go to the hospital  - take it off of you somehow.

[Turkish]

Reverse it. Put the ball in her court.

"Tell me when you want me to bring him home, and we will be there at that time." It's not your responsibility to be her schedule planner.

Additionally, such communication shows that while you are being helpful, you're still mindful of the court ordered schedule. Say it once, clearly. Don't engage equivocation.

[JerryRG]

Another thing I was told today was my son's mother's car is breaking down and she cannot afford to fix it, her bfs broke down too, so guess they both walk? I wanted to say if you want money get a job. She got someone to give her this car for free, "poor single mother thing really tugs on people's heart strings"

I told her 2 weeks ago to stop lying about me or something will happen, I don't believe in karma but she's asking for trouble when she makes up such horrible stories about the people who have loved and given so much to her.

[C.Stein]

I told her 2 weeks ago to stop lying about me or something will happen, I don't believe in karma but she's asking for trouble when she makes up such horrible stories about the people who have loved and given so much to her.

I don't think threats are going to get you anywhere here.  If anything you are enabling her bad behavior by "playing her game".

[JerryRG]

You are right C. Stein

I allowed myself to get upset over her accusations and other things and told her to stop. Still bothers me but I cannot change her ways. I've learned many good things on how to deal with her and sometimes I want her to be fair and honest. Another expectation I have to let go of.

My son is the only person that needs my care and protection, I won't ever understand his mother.

[C.Stein]

If you don't step into the boxing ring you won't have to fight.

[JerryRG]

No fear, just faith

Remove "can't" from my vocabulary

Remember my exgf is extremely mentally ill

I am not alone in this life

Be grateful for all the things in life including things we do not like

Another big one for me "stay in the present" future and past can keep me from enjoying "now"

I need to write a list and keep it with me

Oh yeah C. Stein.

Someone put it this way, just because you're invited to a fight does not mean you need to show up. Lol

I'm learning but part of me wants revenge and that is not productive for my son or myself

Thanks again for your help

[C.Stein]

I'm learning but part of me wants revenge and that is not productive for my son or myself

You are right, it is not productive ... .and it is self-destructive.  You are better than that Jerry!

[JerryRG]

I'm learning C. Stein

Growing up is not without it's painful lessons. My character defects are becoming less and less evident but I still get tired of the constant barrage of lies and manipulation and want to "hit" back.

She's mentally ill, she's mentally ill, she's mentally ill,... .

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

H.A.L.T.

Avoid making any life altering decisions if any of these exsist.

[C.Stein]

My character defects are becoming less and less evident

We all have them and as long as we are aware of them we can do something about it.   

[JerryRG]

Text my son's mother 3 times today with no response. My son's grandmother said she was sleeping and that her bf was watching my son. Her bf beat her and they think he's cool to watch my son? What a bunch of crazy