Helping Adult Child with BPD

[kellygirl601]

 . I have a 23 year old daughter with BPD. She's been on disability for 5 years. She has had room mates and moved in with a boyfriend when we could no longer tolerate her behavior at home. She's broken up with the boyfriend but continues to live there because she can't afford her own apartment. She is very bitter because she says no one helps her. We do help her with grocery and gas gift cards. She thinks we should help her get an apartment. She says if she were as I'll physically as she is mentally everyone would be helping her. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what my expectations of her should be. Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Do you have assisted housing programs in your area? She should qualify with her disability already determined. In our area there are long waiting lists. Some programs have gone to a lottery system, with priority for those with disabilities. There are often adult assistance programs through county human services departments.

The reality for me is my DD30 would never agree to work inside any of these programs. Even more structured and rule driven than living at home  It is an option to offer. We have tried helping her with independent living and have lost thousands of dollars. DD just cannot manage her own place. Too many friends coming and going at all hours. And she ends up doing drugs with these friends and getting kicked out. This is the hardest, most painful part of my DD's life. That she cannot stand to be in our home (we isolate her from her friends) so she is homeless or couch surfing most of the time. She is a survivor. As she says, when she is just surviving she does not have anything left for treatment  

There is a lot of need in the housing area for our kids and few real resources.

We have decided that we need to be able to stop working at some point (ages 65 and 60) so we have to let DD figure out where she is going to stay. It means accepting her anger about this though she has softened in this response as we have gotten older. There has been some positive growth in our r/s over the past couple years as I have gotten better at validation and many of the other tools here. Lots of prayer from lots of people too!

One other comment. My DD yells at me all the time that "no one helps me". Often I respond "I am standing here, I picked you up today, we bought groceries together... ."   Stating explicit examples for today in how I am trying to be there for her. Another area of growth for us. At least when DD is not too worked up emotionally.

qcr  Carol