No repercussions for uBPD sister

[Star_24]

Hi, I hope someone can give me some advice or at least words of comfort. My sister is undiagnosed but I am almost certain she has BPD due to certain traits and behaviours. I am becoming increasingly frustrated because although I do not live at home anymore, my dad is so passive that there are no repercussions for her behaviour, there are no boundaries. He lets her do whatever she likes. She says jump and he says how high. I have repeatedly said this is not the way to behave even if she didn't have BPD but as she does, it's even worse.

I wouldn't care but for the fact that my younger siblings still live at home and have to cope with the constant rage, the insults and controlling behaviour. My dad is completely ignoring their wellbeing. He doesn't care that they are stressed and on edge all the time and instead, the way he should be setting boundaries with my uBPD sister, he's doing to them. When they mention they are unhappy, he gets angry (in a way that he never does with my uBPD sister although she does worse).

When my sister is not around he moans and rants and raves about her to myself and my other siblings. Yet he is being the spineless one by not taking things into his own hands and controlling it.

It's ruining my relationship with him because I no longer want to speak to him. I've given up trying to tell him he is doing things wrong when all he does is moan and expect me (as I am the oldest) to sort everything for him.

I was wondering if anyone else has had experience of this from their parents?

NB: my siblings are too young to be moving out as they are still at school. I moved 200 miles away (before the BPD came out) otherwise I'd say they could stay with me

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY Star_24: 

How old are your uBPD sister and other siblings?  It is good that you are looking out for the welfare of your siblings and have

I read your previous posts.  I believe you indicated that your sister was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.  Who made that diagnosis, a GP or a psychiatrist?  Is she on any meds?  You indicate that the BPD behavior came out after you left home.  Did she show some level of BPD traits before you left home?

If you can't convince you dad to acknowledge the problem and the harm to your other siblings, you may have to make an anonymous report to whatever child protection agency that has jurisdiction where you live.  I read in your previous post about a situation with a knife.

[Star_24]

HEY Star_24: 

How old are your uBPD sister and other siblings?  It is good that you are looking out for the welfare of your siblings and have

I read your previous posts.  I believe you indicated that your sister was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.  Who made that diagnosis, a GP or a psychiatrist?  Is she on any meds?  You indicate that the BPD behavior came out after you left home.  Did she show some level of BPD traits before you left home?

If you can't convince you dad to acknowledge the problem and the harm to your other siblings, you may have to make an anonymous report to whatever child protection agency that has jurisdiction where you live.  I read in your previous post about a situation with a knife.

Hello Naughty Nibbler. Thanks for your reply. My sister is 22 and my siblings are 18 and 16. The GP diagnosed her with depression and anxiety but the nature of doctors here is you go in and lost a few depression symptoms and they automatically give you meds. There was no real assessment by a psychiatrist. She was on meds but not anymore.

Yes she's always shown some BPD traits even when she was small but it wasn't until the past few months I did my own research.

I've got in touch with social services and they said the situation isn't severe enough for them to intervene! Frustrating! Feel like I'm at a dead end!

[BowlOfPetunias]

Here are the most relevant parts of my recent post on about my family:

When I was about 8 or 9 (and my sister was 13 or 14), she went off the deep end.  Sex with middle-aged neighbors.  Drugs.  Running away from home.  Unpredictable rage and violent outbursts.  Suicide attempts.  Demanding that her clothes be constantly replaced with new ones.

My parents shifted their focus to dealing with her.  They showered her with new clothes and a trip to Florida when the rest of the family couldn't afford a vacation.  She did everything they said she shouldn't, and she got more and more attention and material rewards.  I got the cheapest clothes, sometimes even hand-me-downs that were not gender appropriate.  (We did not have very much money.  My father was a janitor and my mother did not work.  Neither of them graduated from high school.)

I felt responsible for making my parents happy to make up for my sister's behavior, but no matter how well I did in school, how much I tried to live up to what they and my grandmother wanted, she always got the rewards and affection while I was ignored. 

I went to college and then grad school, but my sister continued her downward spiral.  When she was 29, my mother became upset because my sister was cheating on the one boyfriend that my parents liked--with a guy who they knew beat her.  My mother threatened to stop doing her laundry.  My sister attempted to commit suicide with a bottle of pills, and the laundry resumed.

Then my sister used her daughter to blackmail my parents.  She said they would never see their granddaughter again unless they secretly wrote me out of the will.  This was a completely empty threat since she was dependent on them for childcare, but they caved.  I only found out after my mother died.  Then my sister gave all kinds of rationalizations to me as to why I did not deserve any of the estate.  Eventually my father wrote me back into the will.  I suspect that she was pressuring him to change the will again write before he committed suicide.  (He was also motivated by health problems and the loss of my mother.)  Naturally, she now denied that she had ever pressured them to write me out of the will, even though she admitted and justified it just a year earlier.