BPD teens and driving / insurance

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi all ,

As it grows closer to the day my BPD DD16 will sit her driving test , I feel sick with fear !its bad enough having a teenage driver in the family without one with BPD !

How do other parents cope with this fear ? Do you declare your teens mental health issues to the car insurance company ?

If I had my way my DD wouldn't drive , at least for a few years ! But then I felt exactly that fear when my non BPD daughter passed her test . I want my BPD to experience "normality " the same as her peers and I don't want her to feel " punished for having a mental health illness " if I tell her I don't want to drive ... As she will most definitely see it as a " punishment" for being different .

Any thoughts ? Suggestions ? Advice ?

[Yepanotherone]

Hi all ,

As it grows closer to the day my BPD DD16 will sit her driving test , I feel sick with fear !its bad enough having a teenage driver in the family without one with BPD !

How do other parents cope with this fear ? Do you declare your teens mental health issues to the car insurance company ?

If I had my way my DD wouldn't drive , at least for a few years ! But then I felt exactly that fear when my non BPD daughter passed her test . I want my BPD to experience "normality " the same as her peers and I don't want her to feel " punished for having a mental health illness " if I tell her I don't want to drive ... As she will most definitely see it as a " punishment" for being different .

Any thoughts ? Suggestions ? Advice ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Yepanotherone 

Does your BPD daughter take any meds that might interfere with her ability to drive (i.e. some anti anxiety meds)? 

Do you have any concern that she might be a rage-filled driver? 

In regard to insurance, I wouldn't tell your insurance company she has issues.   I would, however, look into getting an umbrella policy on your insurance.  You don't have to tell your insurance company why you want it, as it is just something that wise people buy.  You might want to increase your auto insurance coverage just because of having a teenager driving.

You might want to spend some extra time driving with her, before you let her go out on her own.  Driving, might be a reward for behavior modification.  When she meets certain expectations, she can drive.  When she doesn't, she doesn't drive.  I would think that as long as you are providing the car and the insurance, you have some power. 

[Yepanotherone]

Hi there naughty , thanks so much for your prompt response .

I don't have concerns about her being a rage filled driver , she rarely flys off the handle . My main concern is her level of alertness/speed of response as a result of being on so many meds . She's desperate to pass her test thus having more independence to get herself to work /pick up extra shifts etc . She loves her job and it's really helped her depression as she has made many friends there , so I support her wanting to drive so that she can get to work without relying on family members to get her there . It's a difficult one as I feel that with more responsibility and independence , it will help her low moods . But on the other hand there is the real concern about her extreme tiredness at times . She says " I'm not daft mum , I wouldn't drive if I didn't feel safe " but... .

I looked into an umbrella policy 3 years ago when my eldest daughter first started driving but I was turned down because we have property abroad and I couldn't find an insurer who would cover is because of the overseas properties. Maybe I should start a new search , I'll maybe have more luck this time .

[Naughty Nibbler]

Probably best to start a fresh search for an umbrella policy.  You will likely need to exclude the foreign property, so see what is possible and what options might be available.  (how far the umbrella can be opened).

You probably want to review her meds, dosage and timing of taking the meds to reduce a situation where she is too tired to drive safely.  Perhaps, have a plan in place if she gets too sleepy after work.  Sometimes people think they are safe to drive, and then they get a mile or two down the road and feel too tired.

Best wishes. 

[Yepanotherone]

I've just emailed a couple of insurance agents to see what they can find for me . I had mentioned to the psychiatrist earlier this week that I was concerned about mt DD's sleepiness and how this impacts on her everyday function and enjoyment of activities . She can literally lie across a restaurant table and fall asleep some days during a meal ! He's reducing the dose of limotragine gradually over the next couple of weeks to see if that helps . I myself think it's the high dose of abilify and we've trialled taking that at various times to see if it helps . We are currently back to her taking the abilify at night rather than in the morning and we'll see how that goes . Of course one of the other issues is she tends to turn night time into day .

Thanks for your suggestions naughty

[Gorges]

This was a big issue in my family but my daughter seems to have different issues than yours.   We tied driving to a very specific behavior-drug use.  My daughter smokes marijuana although I don't feel like I have ever seen her high.   That said we said if we find any evidence of your use you will not be able to practice driving with your permit and we will tack on that extra time to your ability to drive our car independently.

Let's just put it this way, there was enough evidence periodically (texts, pipes) found that she is 18 and still does not have her driver's license.   So, for about a year and a half we were taking her places (work, appointments-social things she was on her own) so she lacked the independence that other teenagers typically get but she didn't really earn this independence so we didn't feel bad.

In our state kids have 6 months with a learner's permit.  I think in that amount of time you would be able to see if the meds are affecting her ability to drive.   

If you were not going to allow her to drive, I guess I would tie it to a very specific behavior that she can control and then earn the ability to drive. 

I think that an umbrella policy is good for any parent of teenagers.  Teenagers can get involved in crazy things even if they have no diagnosis.

Ofcourse, in the end, I would trust your instincts.  If you really do not feel that it is safe for your daughter to drive because she falls asleep so easily please bring this up with her doctors.

Good luck, this is a toughy because driving does give them responsibility but driving a car can really hurt someone.

For us, I am glad we delayed this.  It gave our daughter a better idea of where we stand on issues and made her more independent as far as walking places and using public transportation.

[lbjnltx]

If I remember correctly the DMV asks about diagnoses and medications when applying for a permit and again when issuing a license.

[Yepanotherone]

If I remember correctly the DMV asks about diagnoses and medications when applying for a permit and again when issuing a license.

Is that in the UK or in USA ? I know in the UK they are much more strict with the necessity for declaring health conditions than they appear to be here in the States .

[lbjnltx]

USA, Texas to be more precise.