Replacement moved closer to my ex

[shatra]

       I am feeling jealous and sad---my "replacement"  who was "friends" with my ex while I was with him is moving from an area 2 hours away, to his city.  Gave up her low-level job to take another low level job there, but I feel the main reason is that she too has BPD and is desperate to be with my ex.  She wanted to move and he was reluctant (according to mutual friends).

   My fears are that: 

1) I never mattered to him since he replaced me (though he treated me okay while I was with him, at times

2)  Angry that he is with her instead of me (she is a convicted felon, in major debt, takes drugs, and has BPD as well as him)

3) Scared that this means she will get even closer and live with him as a next step (though he said he doesn't want that)

   I know I can't control what other people do, but I am feeling very upset over this. I feel like my rival "won".

Shatra

[Lilyroze]

      I am feeling jealous and sad---my "replacement"  who was "friends" with my ex while I was with him is moving from an area 2 hours away, to his city.  Gave up her low-level job to take another low level job there, but I feel the main reason is that she too has BPD and is desperate to be with my ex.  She wanted to move and he was reluctant (according to mutual friends).

  My fears are that:  

1) I never mattered to him since he replaced me (though he treated me okay while I was with him, at times

2)  Angry that he is with her instead of me (she is a convicted felon, in major debt, takes drugs, and has BPD as well as him)

3) Scared that this means she will get even closer and live with him as a next step (though he said he doesn't want that)

  I know I can't control what other people do, but I am feeling very upset over this. I feel like my rival "won".

Shatra

Shatra,

I can hear the upset in your post, and don't blame you.

I would just ask if you could read back your things and read number 2 as an outsider now. Read it as if I were posting that to you. Now how do you feel about it?

When you concentrate on you what are your goals in all this? Is there anything you want to do right now, small goals or a hobby or something you have been putting off? Find something special and mark it down to start. One small step at a time.

Then hopefully soon we can chat on here eventually about it, and how you are ready someday to find the man that will treat you special not just OK

Eventually you will heal, and accomplish your goals. The woman who you consider a rival is going to and does need help. Hopefully she seeks it but if not a train wreck is set for collision. Though no one wishes it for her or your ex they need help. Rather then stand on sidelines and watch it happen. Be the star of your own show.

You are special and deserve to be treated that way. Find your path and journey and all will fall in place. Hard I know, finding a path as well.

[shatra]

Lilyroze wrote---I would just ask if you could read back your things and read number 2 as an outsider now. Read it as if I were posting that to you. Now how do you feel about it?

---Thank you.  Now that I read it that way, it is clear that the replacement is very damaged and has problems---yet I feel jealous because she is with him, and moved closer to him.

When you concentrate on you what are your goals in all this? Is there anything you want to do right now, small goals or a hobby or something you have been putting off? Find something special and mark it down to start.

---I go to school and work full time. I have several hobbies and many friends, luckily

The woman who you consider a rival is going to and does need help. Hopefully she seeks it but if not a train wreck is set for collision. Though no one wishes it for her or your ex they need help. Rather then stand on sidelines and watch it happen. Be the star of your own show.

---I agree. 2 people together with BPD plus the substance abuse, etc. is a recipe for disaster... .yet I am upset that for now they are together and I am fearful about the future.  I am telling myself extreme thoughts like "Thhis means they will marry and stay together"  or "This means he wants her nearby" which scares me

[Lilyroze]

Want to laugh, my ex is seeing someone whose mother is a nar ( I can tell the apple is not far from the tree) , he is cheating on her, with many. Not fulfilling his obligations here and if she keeps pushing and so does he for a divorce without my needs met, well... .They are both in for a surprise will have her given summons for interfering in a marriage and sue. Not because I want drama because they are causing me stress and problems either they stop or I will solve it with the law. Already have a lawyer on it, as well as proof.  They are both train wrecks and I will not let her or him wreck me. She destroyed her marriage, and wants to with mine.  :)on't want him but don't want them pushing me, or deciding mine or my kids futures while they are F ups.

Marriage ending fine, have been trying to deal with it all for years, his health, his needs, keeping things together for kids even if I had to work and be sick. Helping with his emotions, family and his deregulations,  now have to do something on her timetable? When she and he are cheaters, liars, no morals ... .no way. When I know he will leave her anyway or his cheating, doesn't know what the beep he wants. Never has

Mama bear doesn't put up with that when comes to my kids, what I worked for our someone like that in my inner circle.

Glad it helped. Ty for letting me say my peace as well. Have to be professional for work, kind to my friends as they don't want to hear his crazy train any-more, be there for my kids, now I need to take care of me.  

So I will be the star of my own show, but hold them accountable. Now they are crossing boundaries, and not acceptable.

Do the same and you will be better for it. At least you were not married hon, so be proud. Hold keep your heels and head high, and  your standards even higher. You are a winner and need someone to appreciate that. Don't deal with the crazy train by pass the stop.