MyBPDExIsCrazy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3
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« on: June 30, 2016, 05:49:26 PM » |
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My ex has not been professionally diagnosed but I am confident with 99% certainty that she is borderline. After a rage episode once, she told me she would get help, but now blames me and says I made her crazy.
Background: We have been together for roughly a year and a half. She used to express how she wanted to marry me and have my children. Young love had led us to planning to move together as I was attending community college [just finished] preparing for a transfer to a UC.
Communication issues were the first sign I recognized in the relationship as my logical/analytical mind desires to talk about things that bother me/her so we can discuss how to progress moving forward. Accomplishing this on both our ends was a feat comparable to moving mountains, and nothing could enable her to meet me halfway without quickly pointing out that I do the same thing I just accused her of doing. It was astounding to me at first, I thought I was being the most reasonable man on the planet by doing three things, showing I was listening, apologizing for the way she feels, and discussing a plan of action on how it would change moving forward. It worked great on my end, but when it was her time to reciprocate, it would become "Now, you're turning this around on me"
As the relationship progressed, rage episodes ensued over minute things and resulted in her walking away (even if at 3 AM) and being inconsolable and overwhelmed with her "anxiety" to which she would say I could not fix because she did not know any way I could console her no matter how hard I would try.
We had previously broken up a few months back for about a month or so which did not involve either one of us seeing other people. I was painted black and she did not try to reconcile at all, other than a "Happy Easter" text but then again, who knows what the meaning behind that really was. She claimed she had blocked me following that text and when I finally reached out to fix things because I had missed her so much she acted surprised, or in disbelief that I had not tried to text her back, she did not believe me.
With initial resistance, I prevailed through my efforts to break down her guard, and once intimacy ensued she broke down crying telling me she missed me. It was a breath of fresh air to feel like I had my baby back, not the disassociated, depersonalized, unemphatic girl that wanted me to work to have her back. She tried ending things a few weeks later and I called her that night, waded through the bs, and finally asked the GOLDEN QUESTION is this about me moving? She immediately broke down and I saw a sincere side from her I do not normally see, we ended up getting back together. It was like a switch had flipped and all the anger melted away with a simple question.
Two weeks ago, I had invited my girl to come cocktail with some family members and we could just have fun for the night. She started accusing me of attitude which to be quite frank, was not there. She proceeded by saying I was not answering her questions, therefore she was not going. Fastforward an hour later, she texted me saying "It's 9:00 PM, you told me 8:45 PM, you're always late" with a follow-up text saying "I don't want to go anyway, you're just going to make me feel uncomfortable"
I stopped responding, it was irrational and truthfully I did not want to argue. Anyone with a healthy sense of accountability should be able to acknowledge that was a little extreme. Two hours later, I was blocked from everything. My number, twitter, snapchat. I was virtually erased from her life. The next day, I downloaded a texting app to communicate where I told her I loved her and wanted to work on things, etc. I sent numerous messages with affection towards her and she told me to never contact her again, leave her alone, and said we're done.
I told myself it was temporary, she will come around. I waited the next day and received no further texts despite my efforts. The following night, I texted her on a different texting app because she had blocked me two previous times... .and told her to come over, I will make dinner, and we can talk. If you don't want to stay after, I promise to take you home. She followed up asking my Mother's birthday. I told her. She said Ok thanks. Blatantly ignored.
My heart is convinced that this girl loves me with everything she has, I am in denial and conflicted with my dignity and self-respect and this hero complex of mine. I showed up at her house unannounced to fix things, tired of waiting.
I see the real girl underneath this shell and as of that night it has officially been ended. It was slightly physical on her behalf and consisted of persistent, angry commands to get out of her [insert expletive here] house, threats directed towards me involving her telling her brother to remove my from the house, etc.
I left that night more angry than ever before. Anger down to my very core, but as more time progresses, I do miss her.
Also, she retweets/tweets about our relationship constantly with things that are shameful towards me and how a real man treats his woman, etc.
One of which that pissed me off was a tweet she wrote that she thinks she should go on dates with these nice guys that are trying to treat her right. It hadn't even been a week... .
I have never worried about her loyalty, it has never been a concern of mine. I don't know whether I should take that at face value or think that she's doing that purposely to hurt me.
Thought
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