Anyway, no questions right now, just looking for community because despite knowing I'm doing the right thing for me and my young children, I keep second-guessing my decision.
Hi Neurotrace,
I’m so sorry you had to endure all that as a young child. Chased by your mother with a knife, how traumatic X 5, that must be for a young child ? If it helps, I’m about your age and also have PTSD. But since being NC for several years I’m now seeing really good progress using CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). I’m told you need to be in a relaxed state for CBT to work, so I was advised to go NC to lose the anxiety (good to hear that’s working for you also). Also we children of BPD tend to have Complex PTSD or sometimes called Developmental PTSD. It makes a difference in the approach they take in Therapy.
You also mentioned putting the needs of your mom before yours, I found it really hard to consider my needs for the first time, it takes practice, but to heal I had too.
Your point about feeling guilt over your mom making you a caretaker. No young innocent child stands a chance against the manipulation techniques of a BPD/NPD. They make the best conmen in the world. But it’s understandable you would feel the guilt (as I did) because they spend so long putting those thoughts there in the first place. But it’s certainly not your fault. In fact we should feel proud for surviving our childhoods (and the house of the flying knives), not guilt.
But welcome to our family, our forums. Here you can get validation, and it does sound like you’re doing the right thing, you’re bound to have second thoughts, it’s an important decision. You can always hook back up at any time or go low contact. You can even just fade to grey without announcing NC. But it does sound like you need to consider your needs in order to heal. If you feel like sharing your thoughts or getting validation I look forward to hearing from you.
