After 3 months I finally saw her, things were very interesting

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey guys,

So it finally happened. I wasn't sure if it ever really would or not. I was starting, after 3 months no contact, to feel just a little bit less sick, a little less lost. I was making some positive life changes, spending time with my parents, working out more, thinking about a career change, even grew a beard. I have also been trying to be more active dating. I haven't met anyone who's blown me away but I have met several nice, attractive girls.

In the 3 months we have been broken up, I've dated maybe two girls for a little while. I've had short hook ups with probably 5 others. So not too bad but it was tough to compare to the infatuation stage of my exBPD gf. We were together off and on for 19 months, with a few breakups from a well to 2 months long.

Anyway back to the story. It was this past Friday, I had gone out to some bars with friends to meet a couple of girls I had been texting. I met both and they were pretty, one was definitely into me, I think the other wasn't to much, but oh well. So the night is going great. I say goodbye to the new girl and leave to meet my friends at another place. I walk out the door and BOOM who is sitting at the patio table outside by herself smoking, my ex. It felt like seeing a ghost. I didn't know what to do, I looked she looked, we both had strange expressions I'm sure. I walked past slowly and stopped and started smoking and one of my friends came up to talk to me. No more than a few seconds later she came up to me. We started having some weird convo about how she had a feeling she was going to run into me and about my new beard, blah blah. So me being me and her being her, I said some sarcastic remark and she got mad and walked away just a few feet and stood talking to her friends while I was standing there talking to mine. Then I got mad that she got mad and went over to her and her friends and made small talk. They said they were going to another bar she told me to come, I went in for a drink and stayed to myself away from them. The place closed and they said they were leaving and got in the elevator and left. I got in after they had taken it, as soon as I get to the ground floor who is walking back in by herself, this time? My ex!

We were both pretty drunk and went to the parking garage where she had parked and sat and talked. Most of that convo I don't remember. I do remember I began kissing her and things just got turned up to 100 from there. We were in that parking garage doing all kinds of crazy sex stuff for over 3 hours! She was all over me wanted me to have sex with her a million times in a row.

But also during this whole thing, when we took sex breaks, if you will, we had one of the most horrible yet sometimes good conversations. With her mixed signals and craziness being at an all time high. She tells me she misses me, she loves me, she wears my old clothes all the time, she still has our pictures, she's changed. I chose to say I don't think you have based on these next things she said below.

She dated a guy who she knew had a girlfriend after we broke up, as an experiment, she said. She had sex with one of her friends, an ugly female, gross, She's smoking weed now with her college age neighbors, she's 30. She said she's taking another guy to a wedding on Saturday, whom she had sex with before we met. She tells me all these things? It's unbelievable! Then she tells me she had hated me because I abandoned her when she needed me. For those who have read my break up story you know she left me on my birthday to go out clubbing with her ex sister in law. And also blamed me for enabling her to act that way. Then she says she didn't want me to get my stuff because she knew we would probably get together again and she was too mad at me.

I loved hearing some of those things but the others just turned my stomach, reinforcing just how sick she is. She was literally kissing my ear and then saying lets see who can be more self destructive? Apparently she's been aware of my drinking, going out, and women as her friend is out and sees me and tells her, I was unaware of this until she told me that.

Side note she told me she saw and talked to one of my friends at another bar earlier that night, more than likely he told her I was out and where, so she knew where to be for us to cross paths. Anyway the night drug on and she eventually took me to my car in the morning, although she asked to come home with me, and me to go to her house I didn't think it was a good idea, because what she had been doing just made me so mad. We left with a bye nothing else was really said or anything, so I don't even know where to go from here. We have not talked in the two days since, and I've just been pushed back down into those pits of despair I was coming out of. I don't know where to go or what to do from here. I considered texting her but I don't know what to say. Just Es Ted to share this, sorry for the long post. And related experience or advice would be great, thanks!

[KarmasReal]

Hey guys,

So it finally happened. I wasn't sure if it ever really would or not. I was starting, after 3 months no contact, to feel just a little bit less sick, a little less lost. I was making some positive life changes, spending time with my parents, working out more, thinking about a career change, even grew a beard. I have also been trying to be more active dating. I haven't met anyone who's blown me away but I have met several nice, attractive girls.

In the 3 months we have been broken up, I've dated maybe two girls for a little while. I've had short hook ups with probably 5 others. So not too bad but it was tough to compare to the infatuation stage of my exBPD gf. We were together off and on for 19 months, with a few breakups from a well to 2 months long.

Anyway back to the story. It was this past Friday, I had gone out to some bars with friends to meet a couple of girls I had been texting. I met both and they were pretty, one was definitely into me, I think the other wasn't to much, but oh well. So the night is going great. I say goodbye to the new girl and leave to meet my friends at another place. I walk out the door and BOOM who is sitting at the patio table outside by herself smoking, my ex. It felt like seeing a ghost. I didn't know what to do, I looked she looked, we both had strange expressions I'm sure. I walked past slowly and stopped and started smoking and one of my friends came up to talk to me. No more than a few seconds later she came up to me. We started having some weird convo about how she had a feeling she was going to run into me and about my new beard, blah blah. So me being me and her being her, I said some sarcastic remark and she got mad and walked away just a few feet and stood talking to her friends while I was standing there talking to mine. Then I got mad that she got mad and went over to her and her friends and made small talk. They said they were going to another bar she told me to come, I went in for a drink and stayed to myself away from them. The place closed and they said they were leaving and got in the elevator and left. I got in after they had taken it, as soon as I get to the ground floor who is walking back in by herself, this time? My ex!

We were both pretty drunk and went to the parking garage where she had parked and sat and talked. Most of that convo I don't remember. I do remember I began kissing her and things just got turned up to 100 from there. We were in that parking garage doing all kinds of crazy sex stuff for over 3 hours! She was all over me wanted me to have sex with her a million times in a row.

But also during this whole thing, when we took sex breaks, if you will, we had one of the most horrible yet sometimes good conversations. With her mixed signals and craziness being at an all time high. She tells me she misses me, she loves me, she wears my old clothes all the time, she still has our pictures, she's changed. I chose to say I don't think you have based on these next things she said below.

She dated a guy who she knew had a girlfriend after we broke up, as an experiment, she said. She had sex with one of her friends, an ugly female, gross, She's smoking weed now with her college age neighbors, she's 30. She said she's taking another guy to a wedding on Saturday, whom she had sex with before we met. She tells me all these things? It's unbelievable! Then she tells me she had hated me because I abandoned her when she needed me. For those who have read my break up story you know she left me on my birthday to go out clubbing with her ex sister in law. And also blamed me for enabling her to act that way. Then she says she didn't want me to get my stuff because she knew we would probably get together again and she was too mad at me.

I loved hearing some of those things but the others just turned my stomach, reinforcing just how sick she is. She was literally kissing my ear and then saying lets see who can be more self destructive? Apparently she's been aware of my drinking, going out, and women as her friend is out and sees me and tells her, I was unaware of this until she told me that.

Side note she told me she saw and talked to one of my friends at another bar earlier that night, more than likely he told her I was out and where, so she knew where to be for us to cross paths. Anyway the night drug on and she eventually took me to my car in the morning, although she asked to come home with me, and me to go to her house I didn't think it was a good idea, because what she had been doing just made me so mad. We left with a bye nothing else was really said or anything, so I don't even know where to go from here. We have not talked in the two days since, and I've just been pushed back down into those pits of despair I was coming out of. I don't know where to go or what to do from here. I considered texting her but I don't know what to say. Just Es Ted to share this, sorry for the long post. And related experience or advice would be great, thanks!

[seenr]

I just don't get how telling you those stories would even make her think that you might see her in a good light?

After splitting with someone like that, what you probably wanted to hear was she had changed for he better, was thinking clearly etc. Her stories probably make you think it is anything but that? The weed, sex with others etc.

Tough on you, especially if you enjoyed the physical part of it. But if you still think she is sick, I'd say mind yourself first above all else?

I was in a similar situation with someone 12 years ago. Met a really nice new girl, but met an ex a week later and slept together. I really regret not giving that new girl a chance as she was down to earth and nice and I went back to something I knew, but didn't necessarily like. Don't let her mess with your head, make yourself the most important one here.

[Moselle]

KarmasReal,

Sorry you're back to where you were before. I remember recycling with mine. It brings the hope that they, or the relationship has changed, and we yearn for the best times we had with them. Not remembering the silent treatment etc, which causes such heartache.

You're not sure where to go or what to do from here?

What do you think is best for you?

[Rayban]

In my opinion I believe that it wasn't a coincidence that you ran into her that.  Her sitting by the door was planned so you would see her when you stepped outside.

Why did she do this? My guess is that she's gotten word that you are moving on with your life without her.  Some people with BPD think of their exes as their possession.

Given your circle of friends, she knows you've been seeing other girls and this invoked jealousy. She probably can't bare to know that you might find someone better then her.  That's why she brought up sleeping with other people.  I think it was said to hurt you, and possibly put even more doubt as to what she was doing while you were in a relationship with her.

My advice is don't contact her you'll just set yourself up for more pain. She will only bring you down. Think of it as an isolated incident. You are moving forward, going back to her will only draw backwards.

[seenr]

Something was picking me about the original post and I re-read it.

My ex, many years ago, did something that sickened me, but after doing it, she went into the most gory details you could ever imagine about what happened. In my mind I was crying 'STOP' but one of her friends told her that 'he needs to hear this'. So I listened, and as many people here often say, I don't know why I did that to myself.

KarmasReal, how did you feel about all this? If things turned your stomach and make you realise how sick she is, part of you is saying 'run for the hills'?

I loved hearing some of those things but the others just turned my stomach, reinforcing just how sick she is. She was literally kissing my ear and then saying lets see who can be more self destructive? Apparently she's been aware of my drinking, going out, and women as her friend is out and sees me and tells her, I was unaware of this until she told me that.

[zonnebloem]

Hello Karmas Real!

Reading your story is as reading mine!

My ex is growing a beard now that we finally seem t manage to end our 17 months relationship where for the last 7 months we were still surprised to be together now and then!

Last he had a dream that I sat in a car and someone put his hand on my lap.
He could not stand the thought, so he hated to let me go to my house.
He texed me plenty of messages, being scared I'd not just go home!
BD is VERY possesive and stalking.

Don't get involved again and it seems that you are doing well and about to date nicer girls.

I just do not understand why you'd want to go looking for "a date".
Life is as pretty and easy being single without all the mad cases that bug us.

"Life is short, stop living someone elses"


Very often my ex only thinks about  having sex with me and he gets disconnected
when only he thinks that I might go out with someone else.

Ok good luck! gotta go working now!

[zonnebloem]

 

to add to what I wrote before:

forget about that "it must be karma" stuff!

 

[zonnebloem]

how very interestng would things have been if you would take a stalking woma to  restaurant, if you'd buy her flowers and a dress?

would she lose interest for she only wants "the bad gays"?

[KarmasReal]

Hey guys,

Seenr,

I definitely was hoping to hear a lot of better things from her. Knowing her though, none of it was unexpected. She went on a rant about how all men were terrible she hates men then says she loves me. I truly think deep down she does hate men, no matter what they do. So me being a man she wanted to say stuff that she knew would hurt me. She wanted the sex as some control, she even said "see I know you miss me now" or something like that. I don't know if she even actually does love and miss me like she said, it's day 3 now and we still haven't spoken a word since that night. The things she said about who she was seeing what she was doing bothered me cause she's a smart person I expect more from someone. She made herself sound like a immature whore, and that made me so mad at her because she could be so much better. Sometimes though I think she says these things almost as a cry for help like "look what I'm doing I'm so messed up, if you care help me"! But yes part of me is saying let the silence continue and not say anything.

Moselle,

I definitely yearn for when things were good between us. She seemed to seek me out that night, she wanted me over and over, she said a bunch of nice things to me, amongst the troublesome things she said. I thought she was trying to get back with me on some level, the fact I haven't heard anything since that night makes me think she just wanted to hook up with me or she expects me to contact her. Either way I don't know what my course of action should be. This is about as confusing as when we broke up? In fact more confusing and its out me right back in all those feelings I was having! Texting her may be bad, but at least if I did I could find out how to proceed and start healing again.

Rayban,

On some level I think you're right, I don't know if she would have came in there if I hadn't come out though, maybe that was her plan. She knew that's why I went she wasn't trying to avoid me she would have stayed at the place where she was, because I hate that place. Plus her already talking to my friend he had to tell her I was out. I don't know if she thought I was moving on, or if she just wanted the comfort of being with me again, it seems as though nothing is to come out of it since we haven't spoken since. Although that night I was really the one to say she hadn't changed, things couldn't be like this, we will never see each other again, etc. so maybe it's my own fault. And yes I definitely think she said that to hurt me, it's not like I'm some friend that wants to hear about those things. But to hurt me for what, her perceived abandonment? Am I abandoning her again right now. I know about everything that BPD relationships are and yet I still feel like I want to help her. So frustrating.