do we make them feel terrable

[Depression = 72% of members]

Is this npd/BPD injury? One time at a baptism, I was the god father. A family member wanted to take a pic of the god mother and I with our God child, we thought it a normal request. My than partner was asked politely if she minded if it was only the god parents and child in the pic. She never let me forget that. She said no one ever made her feel so small in her whole life and I didn't stick up for her, that I never stuck up for her and couldn't protect or defend her. I so often was told this. Some harmless situation or I thought harmless was blown out of proportion and I would be emotionally abused. Told I couldn't protect her or stick up for her. She was obsessed with being protected or thinking she was being made a fool of. Always accusing me or my family of things we didn't do.

[bus boy]

Is this npd/BPD injury? One time at a baptism, I was the god father. A family member wanted to take a pic of the god mother and I with our God child, we thought it a normal request. My than partner was asked politely if she minded if it was only the god parents and child in the pic. She never let me forget that. She said no one ever made her feel so small in her whole life and I didn't stick up for her, that I never stuck up for her and couldn't protect or defend her. I so often was told this. Some harmless situation or I thought harmless was blown out of proportion and I would be emotionally abused. Told I couldn't protect her or stick up for her. She was obsessed with being protected or thinking she was being made a fool of. Always accusing me or my family of things we didn't do.

[fromheeltoheal]

My take is she felt abandoned and replaced by the god mother, and that didn't feel good, so time to lash out and blame, project all of that onto you and your family, so she could be the victim, which felt much better.  And it was blown out of proportion because borderlines feel emotions intensely.

So does processing all of this now change your perspective on it, make you feel better, and help you grieve bus boy?

[gotbushels]

A family member wanted to take a pic of the god mother and I with our God child, we thought it a normal request.

I don't see anything particularly abnormal about it. I think that's a valid request.

The ex using that as a reason to dysregulate seems to me quite typical in the sense that they can take anything an use it to dysregulate themselves. On this basis, I think yes, we do add to their own highly negative feelings when we are involved in some way.

After noting your ex used that to dysregulate, it might be helpful to you to note then that you "decided" to manage that to the extent that it was enough to be "unforgettable" to you.

Specifically here, I think you added to part of the cause of her feelings by being one of three people in a picture that she felt "terrible" about. Also consider that the BP, the godmother, and the godchild all had some role to play in making said BP feel "terrible" as well. So why do you have to manage the BP's "terrible" feelings?

[bus boy]

I have come so far in my recovery. After the heartless final discard, I was crushed. Prayed to die, begged God to take me. I was on deaths doorstep due to a sickness and was questioning God, why didn't you take me? I'm here for a reason. Today my life is very different. When I read posts on here the clarity is wonderful. Now I had another light bulb moment, I am not responsible to manage her negative feelings. All those years she was trying to unload her negative feelings on me. Making me responsible for how she feels. Being away from her for the past year has replenished my positive feelings. I can absorb negative toxic feelings, she left me feeling very sick, physically and mentally.