Hi kc sunshine!
What kind of things do you tell yourself when you are grieving about your ex to self-soothe?
Well what I do is not tell myself something, but remember an example. I usually just remember a big dysregulation (i.e., "fight", what I did to handle that, and the outcomes from it. Walking through one usually helped me return to reality. If you can, I found these helped me more:
- The "worse" it is, the better. The weird thing is, the worse it is, the more powerful the soothing. It seems to create more relief.
- It seems to help if you pick one where you "performed" more to your satisfaction.
- It also helps if you can see the humour in it--so if you have a funny one, pick that. It's literally in your head now so it's quite okay if someone else is the butt of the joke.
One or two might be enough for you.
What kind of things do you tell yourself to self-validate?
The same things I told her. I found this to be the easiest way because you don't need to learn "new" things. Pretend you're talking to your ex then just repeat what you would say to soothe her, but do it on yourself. It's bonafide and I've seen at least one MD and one PhD (both "famous" that vouch for it.
Enjoy.
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