Hey all new here and looking for help

[Bcobra84]

Hey guys and gals, I've been separated from my BPD girlfriend by geographical location and due to extreme fighting that left me completely upside down.
I want to know if there's any help for us cuz I've never had such an awesome connection with someone when it was good, but it would get so crazy it almost made me lose everything.
I want the side of her I fell in love with like a junkie wants heroin and I'm miserable with or without her otherwise.
Any help would be kindly welcomed

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Greetings Bcobra84. 

Welcome to the bpdfamily. We're sorry that you had to find us, but hope that it will be a benefit to you that you did.

The simple answer to your question is yes, it is possible.

The long answer is that it is possible, but it will take a lot of hard work and radical acceptance of the reality of the situation.

Why do you think that she has BPD? Has she been diagnosed?

If you can tell us a little more about your relationship, we can probably provide a bit of advice. Also, it usually proves useful to read the threads of others here to help gain insight.

[Mutt]

Hi Bcobra84,



I'd like to join   Meili and welcome you. I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. I was with my ex for 7 1/2 years and I recall exactly the day that she stopped idealizing me in the r/s. At that time I knew nothing about BPD and I hoping that the person that I met at the beginning of the r/s was going to show herself again someday. My advice is to is to let go of the permanent idealization.

Realistic Expectations: A person with BPD is emotionally underdeveloped and does not have "adult" emotional skills - especially in times of stress.  If you are in this type of relationship it is important to have realistic expectations for what the relationship can be in terms of consistent respect, trust and support, honesty and accountability, and in terms of negotiation and fairness, or expectations of non-threatening behavior.  It is important to accept the relationship behavior for what it is - not hope the person will permanently return to the idealization phase, not accept the external excuses for the bad behavior, and not hope that changing your behavior to heal someone else.

What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship