Something has changed with son...we'll work through it...

[Kowalski]

W = UstbxBPD/NPDw
S2 = Son, 2.5+ years old

This has been a tough week so far for S2. As I transition from being a "Lassez-Faire" parent to S2's emotion coach, I'm learning to take these opportunities to learn and bring us even closer, and I've been seeing the work pay off time and time again.

I'm very observant of S2, and sometimes there are the subtlest things that have changed or are different that I couldn't possibly articulate. It makes raising S2 all the more exciting and joyous, which is why spending time with him every day such a privilege.

Based on what I've observed with S2 and based on other ancillary evidence, It's been pretty evident that something happened last week while S2 was visiting his mother and grandmother. Normally he comes back chipper and excited and full of life, which has always confirmed for me how important and beneficial his time with his mother and grandmother has been. I hate being without him every other week, but I support what's best for S2, and S2 spending time with both parents and his grandmother is what's best for him.

However, this time, he came back wanting to verify that everything that's important to him and comforting to him still existed, he's been requiring and asking for more interaction, vocalizing and demonstrating frustration, and not eating as well. There are other changes that I can't quite articulate, but I can assuredly say that something is off.

I suspect that whatever happened last week also prompted W to ask her lawyer to propose that I have full custody and she have only one week a month, instead of the current 50/50, week-on/week-off.

Because I have to consider all factors, of course, I have looked at myself and the home environment to see if anything has changed here. I can tell you that I'm more at peace, stable and continue to be more emotionally present, and S2's days are fairly routine, structured.

While I'm concerned, I'm not worried. None of these behaviors and symptoms are problematic or even negative. (S2 asking for interaction is actually a very positive thing.) As I wrote, these are opportunities for learning and bringing us closer. Pushing and testing boundaries is also a normal part of growing up and learning.

I highly recommend "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman.

[Turkish]

Even given a non-BPD divorce or separation, kids are affected in their own ways,  and this age is very dynamic regarding brain and personality development.  Document what you observe,  but focus on validating your son's grounds feelings.  I know it's hard at this age to communicate.  Trust your gut,  but being a safe haven for your child is the best thing you can do for him. 

[Kowalski]

Even given a non-BPD divorce or separation, kids are affected in their own ways,  and this age is very dynamic regarding brain and personality development.  Document what you observe,  but focus on validating your son's grounds feelings.  I know it's hard at this age to communicate.  Trust your gut,  but being a safe haven for your child is the best thing you can do for him.

When my wife first left at the end of June after a lot of turmoil and toxicity, my son regressed. He bounced back quickly and has been happy-go-lucky week after week since. That is until what I've witnessed and documented this week. So yeah, I'm trusting my gut, and I have been keeping a daily journal for him.

I'm fully confident that my son and I can work through anything together.