No contact in the workplace with BPDEX, dangerous?

[Rayban]

I work with her and I've decided to go no contact with her even in the workplace.  We aren't working on any projects together, but I have to see her going by dozens of tines a day as her workplaces is less then 10 feet away from mine.

This week was my first week back from a 3 week vacation. I had broken 3 weeks of no contact with her by asking her to discuss how we should handle things at work. She replied it would be best if we don't.  I accepted her decision after a weekend of diliberation.

Come Monday morning she said hi to every coworker except me. Later on that day she came and see me about a work related matter which in hindsight was probably something she fabricated just to gage where I was at. I was stone cold answered her queries and she left. 

Next day same story, greets everybody but me. Crossed her in a hallway later that morning and I was the one that had to say good morning first. She replied looking down.

After that I decided that if she can't go out of her way to say hi, then why should I?

I just decided to avoid her, changing my break time, leaving from a different exit, basically avoiding her as best I can.

As the week went along I noticed she changed her schedule to mimic mine. Same lunch hour, same  break times. It's like she wanted to force contact without initiating it.

I thought it best to just avoid her and try to detach. As the week went by I noticed other coworkers that she is close too avoid me, or keep their interactions short. 

I believe that the fact that I'm completely avoiding her as given her a reason to smear me as the bad guy, and her the helpless victim.

Thursday I left a few minutes after her, and when I got to the car lot, she was sitting in her car, and sped off the moment I got to mine.

As I left for this weekend, She walked ahead of me shaking her hips. She went left, I went right without saying a word.

It's like she's trailing my comings and goings. I'm sure she has begun smearing me as pepoles attitude towards me have changed.

Why won't she let me go? Does she want me to chase her?

Regardless it's just one more example of why I don't want her in my life. I refuse to play games with her, and I'm afraid because I've been ignoring her that she will do anything to get me fired for ignoring her highness. How do I handle this?

[Mutt]

Hi Rayban,

I think that you're doing good with not triangulating her and causing unneccesary drama for yourself.

Next day same story, greets everybody but me.

I think that she looks bad and immature if she's greeting everyone but you. It's speculation if she has talked to other co-workers about you, can you confirm that. To answer your question about why she won't let you go it's because of attachments, a pwBPD don't completely detach from someone that they cared about.

[boatman]

Hi Rayban,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm going through a very similar situation at work so I know how difficult it is. I take the same approach as you, to stay away from her as much as possible. My ex also seems to try to bait me into paying attention to her but I don't engage her in the games. When you ask whether or not your ex wants you to chase her, obviously I don't know for sure, but I would guess that it might be likely. My ex absolutely wants me to chase her. In one of the last conversations we had, she told me that she likes it when I pursue her because she likes how it feels to reject me and push me away.

I'm sorry she's trying to turn your co-workers against you, I've experienced the same thing. It bothers me, but I keep reminding myself that the group of people she has turned against me are co-workers that are similar to her anyway, so I shouldn't be surprised.

I look for a new job regularly, and I am returning to graduate school to finish my degree in a different field. Is getting a new job something you would ever consider? Do you see the situation at work with your ex getting better?

 

[Rayban]

Changing jobs right now would be complicated.  I just hate that I would be forced to leave a job that I like because of another person.

I hate the fact that she laughs and giggles through out the day, and that others are drawn to her. I just go about my day and speak to a few close coworkers.  I never mention her.

I just feel like I am sort of playing games by purposely avoiding her and by doing stuff like changing lunch hours, or using a different exit, or parking my car further away, I'm giving her indirect attention by knowing her routine and purposely avoiding her .

I do it to help me not think of her and more importantly not giving her a chance to draw me back in. In the past when we were broken up she would reinitiate contact, this time she wants me to do so. I know that if I try to go back to her, she will reject me as payback for breaking up with her a month ago. I'll stick to avoiding her and grey rock her if I have to.

In the mean time I just wish she would move on to someone else.

[boatman]

I know that if I try to go back to her, she will reject me as payback for breaking up with her a month ago.

I hear what you're saying. I remind myself of the same thing. I can't allow myself to believe that the rejection wouldn't eventually come because it would. It sounds like you are dealing with this in the best way you can.